I’ve been with my boyfriend for eight years now. We’ve had a very rocky relationship, but always manage to get through whatever is thrown at us.
However, recently I’ve started to wonder whether I want to be in this relationship for the rest of my life.
I began dating him when I was just 14 – he was my first boyfriend.
We’re both very stubborn and he is very old-fashioned when it comes to home life. Even though he’s only in his 20s, he thinks it’s a woman’s job to clean the house, run his baths, do the shopping, cook the food and serve it to him as soon he walks through the door.
My thinking is very different – he is a grown man, therefore he is capable of getting his own dinner, along with whatever else he needs.
But we are constantly butting heads over this. We argue about everything and I’m currently sleeping on the couch, while he sleeps in the bed alone most nights.
On the rare occasion I go to bed with him we argue about me waking him through the night just by being there and I get pushed, shoved and shouted at.
I end up clinging to the very edge of the bed with no blanket, crying and awake all night as I’m too afraid to sleep in case I wake him up.
I’m now thinking about buying a single bed for the box room so I have somewhere comfortable to sleep.
What do I do? I love him so much but I’m not sure how long I can live like this.
I have tried talking to him about it but he either dismisses me or we argue. I have left him in the past, but he apologised and promised me the world, only to revert to his old ways soon after.
I think you already know you want to leave him for good. I’m not sure you love him any more, but the fear of leaving is keeping you there. What do you love about him? I can’t find anything in your letter that shows he loves you – there’s not one redeeming feature. You sound miserable and scared, and rightly so by the sounds of his behaviour.
When you get into a relationship very young and have been with that person for a long time, it is hard to break those ties because it’s all you’ve known. But I can absolutely promise you that if you do leave, the relief will be immense and you can start enjoying your life again – as you should at 22 – and find a lovely guy who is deserving of your love.
I’m not sure what planet your partner is living on, but he needs to learn that that type of man is not what any woman is looking for.
A grown-up, respectful and loving relationship is about being a team and being mutually supportive. But you’ve never experienced that because he’s your first boyfriend and you’ve been with him for so long.
Why stay with a man who doesn’t care that you’re either crying at the edge of the bed or sleeping on the sofa?
Please don’t stay just because you’re afraid of the unknown and can’t imagine meeting anyone else.