I got married to a man in the Army six months ago and moved away from home with him – away from all my friends and family. I’m only 19 and he is 21.
At first things were great and I was loving life, then I found myself crying all the time because I felt lonely and my husband never seemed to care.
He sleeps all the time or plays video games, and never wants to do anything with me.
Whenever I try to talk about how I’m feeling, he just yells at me.
He has said a lot of hurtful things, which he’s never apologised for, and afterwards he acts like nothing happened.
Recently, I told him I wanted to go home to gather my thoughts and he went mad, shouting that I wasn’t allowed to go home.
I have been going to a counsellor and she is telling me to get out.
My only problem now is that I don’t know how to leave.
Do I tell him I’m going, with the fear that he’s going to explode with anger or do I just walk out and break his heart? I care about him so much, but after living with him and being treated so badly and unable to do what I want, I’m just not happy any more.
I feel I will be so much happier at home with my family and friends.
I’m sure when you went into this marriage you were in love and had so many hopes and dreams for your future together, so I’m sorry that’s all been shattered.
You’re both very young and your husband is clearly not ready for a mature relationship – he has a lot to learn.
He can’t forbid you from seeing your family.
I’m with your counsellor on this.
You sound scared of his temper, so I would just go and leave a letter, explaining why you’ve gone and that you’ll call when you get there.
But if you really want to tell him face to face, then ask a family member to be there with you.
You sound like a lovely sensible girl, and you’re still mindful of breaking his heart, yet he doesn’t care that you’re so unhappy.
On the positive side, you’re only 19 and have no children so, if you trust your instincts and leave now, it’ll be far less of a wrench than if you soldier on for a few years and there’s a child involved.
It’s disappointing the marriage hasn’t lived up to your expectations – and maybe the separation won’t be final – but you need to leave now to make him understand that the way he’s behaving is not acceptable.
He’s trying to control you, so what’s the next step – locking the door and taking the keys?
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