I was driving around Los Angeles with a friend of mine who was telling me that his “booty call” just broke up with him.
So I asked him if he ever took her out to dinner. He told me, “Yeah, but I was paying it forward.”
I started laughing, and I said “How long has she been a booty call for you?” He said, “I don’t know — seven months, eight months.”
And then I started thinking to myself. Unfortunately, a lot of you don’t understand that you’re not dating a man, you’re just a booty call. So I think I need to clarify to save you months of thinking you’re headed for a relationship with a man.
Here’s the definition of a “booty call:” You deliver or he delivers. You meet up, and it doesn’t matter what time it is. Booty calls often happen late at night.
It doesn’t matter where you go, his house or your house. What matters is the outcome.
Usually you don’t watch movies with a booty call. Most times, you don’t go out to dinner with a booty call. Actually, it’s kind of painful, because all you’re thinking about is getting home and having sex. Why go and suffer through a two-hour dinner just to get home, pop a Viagra and get down to business with your booty call?
Booty calls are just that. It’s all about sex.
There’s no dinner, no romancing. Sure, you may sleep over, but the bottom line is, you’re just having sex the second you get together. He’s always like a teenage boy when he first sees you. He’s clawing at you right away.
He’s constantly kissing you or talking dirty to you. When you’re texting, if you say you had a bad day, he quickly reverses it with anything he can find to engage you sexually.
You’re a booty call. You’re not in a relationship. A relationship means we listen to all the stuff that you went through during the day, and we do it willingly, openly and amazingly.
But a booty call is just that. It’s just sex. That’s all it is. That’s all you are. You’re never going to convert us.
No matter how great the sex is, no matter how amazing a lover you are or how unbelievable the things you can do with your mouth or your body, you’re not going to convert us.
We take our girlfriends out to dinner. We take our girlfriends away on vacation. We take our girlfriends to the gym and work out. We only take our booty calls directly to bed.
It’s almost like Monopoly. We don’t want to pass Go. We just want to collect the $ 200, and we want to do it right away.
Sometimes, I think that’s OK. Having a booty call is quite healthy and pretty amazing. It’s nice to have companionship of the opposite sex on a regular basis. But it only works if you both understand the relationship and its limitations.
Know that a booty call is never going to turn into a relationship. You can and should enjoy it for what it is. If you’re a booty call, enjoy being a booty call. And enjoy that you have a booty call of your own. There’s nothing wrong with it. At least you’re getting good, regular sex, which beats hanging out with Mr. Vibrator on a regular basis, right?
This post orignally appeared on Your Tango: Sorry, Ladies! If Your Guy Does THIS, He’s Just Using You For Sex