Not sure where your sex life went? Can’t remember the last time you did it? Having good sex isn’t as difficult as you think. A good romp in the bed is all about communication, confidence, open mindedness and so much MORE. But don’t worry, it’s easy. Here are our favorite expert tips to strengthen your sexual appetite and better yourself in bed, STAT.
A study found that a third of men wished their partners were better in bed. We’re sure it’s a similar stat for women, too! Either way, all too often we get so caught up in our insecurities or at times, get too comfortable that we forget what good sex is all about!
Clenching fingers, scrunching faces, and mind blowing sensations? Sex can be amazing. But the best sex only comes when you’re connected with your sexual needs and confident in your own skin.
We know, we know, it’s easier said than done. Which is why we enlisted the help of sexpert and founder of Jo Divine, Samantha Evans to tell us everything we need to know to become a better lover between the sheets. “Many men are shy about disclosing what they really want in bed, either because they may not feel comfortable with discussing what turns them on, are worried about hurting their partner’s feelings or believe it might offend them with their request,” says Samantha.
So whether he’s shy about sexy talk or you’ve both lost touch with your sex life, don’t worry. Take a deep breath and just remember, sex can be FUN!
Here are 10 top tips to instantly upgrade your sex life…
1. Make yourself vulnerable
Ironically talking about sex can be more nerve-racking than the actual act itself! But by making yourself vulnerable and opening up to your partner about your desires it CAN make a huge difference to your sex life.
Samantha says to try and “Open up a conversation about what makes you tick and what turns you on sexually. You may be pleasantly surprised about what your partner fantasies about. Just talking about them with your partner can turn you (and him) on.” Be bold, ladies!
2. Don’t let your body image get in the way
You can be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if you’re insecure it could cost you. Stretch marks, wobbly body parts, cellulite – everyone has something they don’t like.
“Men are attracted to the WHOLE package though. So try to become more confident with your body. Loving the way you look will make you irresistible to your partner,” says Samantha.
“Sexy women are not the so-called ‘beautiful women’, but the confident ones. So try wearing some gorgeous lingerie just for yourself. Knowing you are wearing sexy knickers will give you a cheeky smile all day long.” And drive him crazy! Sexual confidence is the key to healthier, better sex. Love your imperfections for what they are and he will love them, too!
3. Be a leader in bed
There’s nothing hotter than a woman who makes the first move. Knowing we want them and not being shy about it drives men nuts! So make the first move sex and take control.
“Take your time and set your own sexual pace to increase your sexual pleasure. Making your partner wait will only fuel his sexual desire, too. Tell him what you love him doing to you and how to make it feel even better!” Also, ask him what he likes and get him to open up. Remember, sex is a two way street.
4. More fun please
Sex is not limited to the bedroom – there are loads of things you can do to make it more fun!
In fact, a study by Surf found that 48 percent of the nation say that their favorite place to get jiggy is not the bedroom! The sofa (13 percent) tops the list, followed by the kitchen table (7 percent), shower (5 percent), stairs (6 percent) and the top of the washing machine (4 percent).
So how about jumping into the shower with him when he least expects it? “Having sex in the morning will keep you smiling all day long, or if you’re too tired try to arrange a time to meet midday for a lunchtime quickie.” If all fails, don’t worry, just wake him up in the middle of the night. Everyone loves sleepy sex.
5. Be imaginative
Routine is boring. Get your heart rate going by experimenting more!
Dressing up is great, but at times (especially at first) it can be a little weird. Try not to let your shyness get in your way! “If a man in uniform turns you on, get your partner to dress up,” says Samantha. Ask him straight – knowing that what makes you hot and being open about it is all your man will ever need to make your sexual fantasies come true.
If you really want to blow his mind, show up at his doorstep with a coat and killer heels (nothing else). The thought of what he might find underneath will push him over the edge.
6. Read Erotic fiction
Reading a racy book is a great way to get into your own erotic mind and get you in the mood.
“A few chapters from a short steamy erotic story will coax your first sparks of sexual desire and give you some ideas for your own sex life, too,” says Samantha. A bit of E.L. James never goes amiss!
7. Men like sex toys more than you think
Regular sex toy use has shown to increase sexual experience and satisfaction and can even lead to some seriously satisfying orgasms!
Men love to watch their partners have their way with themselves. Hey, there’s wrong with a bit of sexual gratification. Samantha says, “It allows you to show him exactly how and where she you liked to be touched. If you are unsure about using a sex toy, why not try a clitoral stimulator like Kinky Bullet or a vibrating cock ring, such as Lelo Tor. Many remote control couples’ toys a lot of fun, allowing your man to be in control of your sexual pleasure at the touch of a button”.
Keep in mind, no sex toy is alike. Be open to exploring the different sizes and the amazing sensations they have to offer. Do you need clitoral stimulation, vaginal, or both?
Experimenting with sex toys will help you discover what works for you. Once you master your sexual needs you’ll be more comfortable (and confident) to take up your fantasies with your guy. And trust us, when you do, he won’t know what hit him.
8. Make sure to change position
It’s hard not to keep your hands off each other when the relationship is fresh but once the honeymoon period fades, having sex becomes monotonous. One easy way to spice things up is by simply (remembering) to change positions.
Why not take control and get on top? Watching you doing what you like and getting a full frontal view will blow his mind.
To sizzle things up even more use a vibrating cock ring to help stimulate both of you simultaneously. “Trying a small bullet vibrator against your clitoris will help achieve a mind blowing orgasm you’ve never had before. Just watching your man’s facial expressions will let you know if it feels good!’ says Samantha.
9. Tie me up
“Tying up or blindfolding your man or being tied up and blindfolded yourself, using only your sense of smell, touch, taste and hearing can beintensely arousing, and rather wicked,” says Samantha.
Making your man beg for your touch or tantalizing him with feather-like caresses will make him throb with desire and help unleash your inner dominatrix. You’ll never see sex in the same way again!
10. Be Confident
Sex appeal is all about self-confidence. Being more confident comes from knowing what makes you tick. Samantha says, “Exploring your body through masturbation, using sex toys and wearing clothes that make you feel amazing can help you increase your confidence in the bedroom.”
Building confidence sexually is also about good communication. Don’t be afraid to discuss intimacy with your man. “Have the courage to tell and show him what you like and what you don’t like. Most men welcome some guidance on what they should be doing and if they are doing it right – the sounds emanating from your throat will indicate if he’s hit the spot!” It may not come naturally at first but once you do it, you’ll really begin to see the differences.