I think my mum has narcissistic personality disorder. She comes across nice to everyone on the outside, but she’s making my life hell. She became very jealous when I married my wife.
We tried to include her in everything, but she always made excuses then made up lies to family, saying we neglect her. The past few years have been a nightmare.
She has made up so many vicious lies about me as well as my wife and her family. I’ve always forgiven her, but the last one broke the camel’s back. She accused me of stealing and my extended family no longer speak to me.
I cut off all ties with my mum, but she is now threatening suicide and I feel so guilty.
However, I can’t face going through all that heartache again. What should I do?
She clearly has mental health issues for which she needs professional help, but unfortunately, that’s not something anyone can force her to accept.
As guilty as you feel, I think you have to stick to your guns, but get support and advice from the family members who are still talking to you.
Explain that when you stand up to her, she threatens to kill herself and that you’re in a very difficult situation. It sounds like they’re only getting one side of the story at the moment – hers.
Perhaps one of your relatives, or a good family friend, would agree to act as a mediator between you and your mum. Then you can sit down together with that person present and see if you can resolve the situation peacefully.
However, it won’t help to simply give in to her demands because every time you do, she’ll threaten you. I think it would really help for someone with no bias towards either one of you to talk to her sensibly and calmly, and open up a dialogue.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems