I’m an 18-year-old girl who’s just started university and my mum won’t stop lying to me. One day she’ll promise we can go into town together, so I’ll ask her when we’re leaving and she’ll say: “I’ve changed my mind.”
It’s driving me nuts!
She lets me down all the time, but she doesn’t lie to my dad or sisters, just me.
I have this nagging feeling that she’s jealous I’m going to university and she didn’t, and she’s annoyed because she has to pay my fees.
Added to this, she gives me absolutely no freedom – I’ve never been to a party. I’ve also never had my friends round because my mum doesn’t know their parents and I’m not allowed to go to their houses either.
I’ve considered moving out without telling her, but I’m terrified in case it doesn’t work out. What do I do?
OK, you’re a young adult on the first rung of independence and that can be tough for some parents – because in their eyes you’ll always be five.
I can see you’re hurt because you feel your mum is constantly letting you down, so tell her that. Explain how you feel.
If she promises something she ought to follow through unless there’s a very good reason. The other tactic to make her think about your relationship is simply to stop asking to do things with her and decline her offers in future. I’m pretty sure she will miss your time together dreadfully.
Perhaps your mum is a bit jealous of the opportunities you have that she didn’t, but she also sounds overprotective and keen to keep you tied to her apron strings for as long as possible.
So maybe now is the time to talk to your parents about the possibility of moving out. You could discuss moving in to a flatshare with other students or living in halls of residence. But it might come down to finances – could you get a part-time or weekend job to help fund it?
Lots of things can be resolved by sitting down and having a sensible discussion, so show your parents how mature you are and take the initiative.