I was with my fiance for 10 years, but things had gone stale in the relationship, particularly in the bedroom. I met a man at work and we kissed on a night out. A couple of weeks later we booked a hotel and slept together while my partner was working away.
I broke things off with my fiance and foolishly moved in with the guy. I’d only really been seeing him a month or so beforehand and have now been living with him for a month. My ex-partner knows, but I’ve told him it’s a flatshare and we’re just friends.
I’ve been meeting up with my ex and want him back. He wants me but he has no idea of the deceit that’s gone on. I’ve tried to break it off with the man from work but as we’re now living together it’s a complete mess. He’s now threatened to tell my partner about me cheating and I just feel lost. I don’t know what to do.
You need to stop being selfish. You’ve realised you’ve made a terrible mistake, but I think the only way to move on is to tell your ex the truth and hope you can rebuild your relationship.
Of course you don’t have to say that you slept with this colleague before you ended things with your ex, but then you run the risk of being found out, especially if the man you’re living with has an axe to grind. And I’d be wary of lying on top of lies. You can explain to your ex that you felt things had gone stale and that you had to leave to find out how you really felt about him.
I don’t think you can blame your colleague from feeling hurt. He moved in with you thinking you were serious about him and he’s probably in love with you. The ways he’ll see it, is you’ve had a little play and now want to go back. You’ve really messed him around.
Don’t move straight back in with your ex. Take some time on your own to make sure it’s what you want and to talk things over with him (if he’s willing to do that after you’ve told him the truth).
If you don’t, you’ll end up drifting back into your old routine and you’ll get bored again.
Date each other again and make sure it’s what you both want and that you’re both willing to put in the effort to rebuild your relationship.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems