My husband and I are both 67 and we’ve been married for 40 years. We have four grown-up children and live in a lovely house together.
However, his moods are so bad that I’m seriously considering leaving him. The only thing keeping me here is that I don’t know if I could face all that upheaval at my age.
I’m sure he never used to be like this, but maybe he has and I just never noticed because I was so busy raising a family.
His moods have become increasingly worse over the last few years and it’s causing me so much heartache and is losing me friends.
We are friendly with a few couples and he’s stopped talking to most of the men because of the various silly things he thinks they’ve done wrong.
He takes offence about every little thing people do and stops talking to them.
He no longer accompanies me to things like weddings or family christenings.
When I challenge him, he either shouts me down or goes into a huge sulk and won’t speak to me for days.
It’s heartbreaking and I feel like I’m emotionally abused. I’ve tried talking to him but he just gets even angrier and refuses to discuss it. What can I do?
You’re saying you can’t face the upheaval, but you have to ask yourself if you can face a lifetime of your husband’s awful behaviour?
I’m sorry to say it but moving out and going through a divorce is not going to be any more stressful than what you’re living with right now.
If it were me I’d sit him down and say, “I’m just going to tell you this and you can sulk or shout but I don’t care. I’m going to leave you because I don’t want to live like this any more. You know the reasons why because I’ve told you a million times and you obviously don’t want to change. But I’m not putting up with it any more”.
It is scary but you’ll have friends and family around who will help you through this.
You might be looking around your house and thinking, “Oh how can I leave all this?” or “What will people say?” but that isn’t a good enough reason to stay because you’re right – this is emotional abuse and you deserve better.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems