It’s only week two, and we’re dropping like flies. Every day the NOBNOM message board exposes another man who has given into temptation and fondled himself to completion. One in particular confessed to watching a YouTube video of women kissing and just couldn’t help himself. Poor guy. He had no choice.
After confessing, he wished remaining participants well on our journey.
“Well” being the interpretive term here. I hate this challenge. I really, really do. I’m sleeping like crap, waking up with the sun and breaking out in zits thanks in great part to my terrible eating habits, which now serve as a pleasure-placeholder to booze and masturbation. A man needs some enjoyment in his day, after all, and regretfully, mine is pizza, garlic sauce and Kraft Dinner. Yes, daily.
I will confess that I do still watch porn. But I don’t masturbate to it, as this is against the rules. Despite the challenge, I still crave stimulation, and quick access to porn is like the seductive blue fluorescents of a bug zapper. I know it’s the worst thing I can do, tempting myself like that, but I can’t help it. Trust me, I understand how pathetic this sounds.
But I’m not alone. Men have confessed to setting up parental blocks on their browsers to terminate the urge. Porn traditionalists (those who still possess physical pornography) have even trashed their smutty mags so there’s no temptation tucked between their mattresses either.
Adding to the misery, I’ve become physically weaker. I attend the gym regularly and noticed that since I’ve started this challenge, my strength has been affected. Which is strange, considering the surge in testosterone would presumably make one stronger.
As for the claim that going without whacking and boozing makes one 50-to-100% more productive? Complete bullshit. My get-up-and-go has gotten up and left, and the bastard didn’t even leave a note. My home has become a prison and my penis holds the key. I don’t want to do much of anything.
Curious about this laundry list of setbacks, I spoke to Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph.D., to address why myself — and others — are experiencing results opposite to what was promised.
“I think part of the issue is that the NOBNOM challenge may not take differences among men and their lifestyles into consideration,” says Nicholson. “An issue not taken into consideration is the man’s current level of alcohol and pornography use.”
“Put simply, the more difficult it is for the guy to go without alcohol or pornography, the less self-control he will have for other tasks — like work or the gym. Instead, he will simply be fatigued from the challenge of avoiding pornography and alcohol. So, trying to quit in such an abrupt manner may be counterproductive, especially for a guy wanting to increase his energy and productivity.”
Basically, Nicholson has surmised that all of my energy is being put into the challenge, and whatever I have left (which, evidently, isn’t much) has gone to a sub-par workout.
Now don’t get me wrong, many of the people involved with the challenge are experiencing the benefits Tim Ferriss’ (the founder of NOBNOM) promises. The most common being: weight loss, a surge in self-respect and confidence, and new worthwhile hobbies. One even said this is the best he’s felt since he was a teenager.
Some are even taking their NOs further and omitting sugar, processed foods, and Facebook for the month as well. Good for them, I guess.
There Is A Place Deeper Than Hell, And That Place Is Craigslist
Like I mentioned last week, I don’t have a girlfriend, therefore I don’t have access to sex as I would want it. So I did what any desperate man in my situation would do, and browsed through my hometown’s Casual Encounters ads on Craigslist — which were, well, disappointing to say the least. Regardless, I replied to one, waited 45 minutes, didn’t hear back and decided to go to my buddy’s party. Sober.
As with any situation where one is taken out of their comfort zone, I can admit that I’ve learned some things. For instance, I masturbate too much. I’m not proud of it, but going without has made me realize that I did it out of boredom, but gave in so often that I eventually became dependent on it.
Also, since forgoing these simple desires, I’ve been much more aggressive in my pursuit of women. You see, prior to the challenge, I was more of the “I’ll let her come to me” type, because, well, I guess I’m a coward in that respect. Instead of going balls-out and approaching women at a bar, I’d go balls-in and rub one out before I left the house. My desire to get laid was then left in a tube sock when it should have been out on the playing field.
Since starting the challenge, I’ve been actively pursuing the fairer sex, which I can attribute to the lack of sexual intercourse between me and my calloused hand. At this point, I can see my masturbation habits were becoming a minor problem, so instead of going at myself daily, after NOBNOM I’m going to aim for once to twice per week, a compromise between my pre- and post-challenge habits.
There you have it, guys. I guess that does it for Week 2. Plus, there’s (another) pizza in the oven, so, I’m going to get on that. Until next week!