Dear Coleen: I’m livid at cheating hubby but sons need us to get along

Dear Coleen

Eight months ago, my husband walked out on me and our two young sons, who are four and two, for a girl at his work.

I’m so unbelievably angry with him but I know I need to get over this for the sake of our boys.

He comes to collect them twice a week and I can barely look him in the eye. I recently found out he took them out for the day with his new girlfriend.

I was so furious I texted him a really nasty message saying some horrible things about her.

Then I called his mum and told her she should be ashamed of her son for walking out on his young sons.

As soon I put the phone down, I knew I’d behaved badly but I couldn’t help it. There are some days I literally shake with rage at the thought of what he’s done to us.

But I know I need to pull things together for the sake of my beautiful boys who I adore.

Please help me.

Coleen says

You haven’t done anything wrong and the way you feel and the way you’ve acted is totally understandable.

Believe me I know because I’ve been there. There’s this sense of rage that he’s messed up your life and your children’s too.

When Shane left, I remember thinking, “This isn’t how things were supposed to be”. It’s bloody hurtful.

For a start though, try not to bad-mouth him to your boys. There were so many times I was tempted to do this, but I had to bite my tongue and protect my sons.

Children grow up and work things out for themselves anyway. A couple of times I slipped up and that’s normal too, so don’t beat yourself up over this.

It’s only been eight months so give yourself time. I suggest you try counselling too.

After my first marriage broke up I tried to get over it on my own. But I was awake all night and sleeping all day, trying to put on a brave face in front of the kids – inside I was dying.

But one day I realised I couldn’t continue and decided to have counselling. It was the best thing I ever did.

It’s different talking to a trained professional than a friend because you get a logical and unbiased point of view.

They’ll also help you realise that none of this is your fault and everything you’re feeling is normal.

* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems