Eight months ago, my husband walked out on me and our two young sons, who are four and two, for a girl at his work.
I’m so unbelievably angry with him but I know I need to get over this for the sake of our boys.
He comes to collect them twice a week and I can barely look him in the eye. I recently found out he took them out for the day with his new girlfriend.
I was so furious I texted him a really nasty message saying some horrible things about her.
Then I called his mum and told her she should be ashamed of her son for walking out on his young sons.
As soon I put the phone down, I knew I’d behaved badly but I couldn’t help it. There are some days I literally shake with rage at the thought of what he’s done to us.
But I know I need to pull things together for the sake of my beautiful boys who I adore.
Please help me.
You haven’t done anything wrong and the way you feel and the way you’ve acted is totally understandable.
Believe me I know because I’ve been there. There’s this sense of rage that he’s messed up your life and your children’s too.
When Shane left, I remember thinking, “This isn’t how things were supposed to be”. It’s bloody hurtful.
For a start though, try not to bad-mouth him to your boys. There were so many times I was tempted to do this, but I had to bite my tongue and protect my sons.
Children grow up and work things out for themselves anyway. A couple of times I slipped up and that’s normal too, so don’t beat yourself up over this.
It’s only been eight months so give yourself time. I suggest you try counselling too.
After my first marriage broke up I tried to get over it on my own. But I was awake all night and sleeping all day, trying to put on a brave face in front of the kids – inside I was dying.
But one day I realised I couldn’t continue and decided to have counselling. It was the best thing I ever did.
It’s different talking to a trained professional than a friend because you get a logical and unbiased point of view.
They’ll also help you realise that none of this is your fault and everything you’re feeling is normal.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems