by Anna Borges
No matter how much crazy-great sex you and your partner might be having, admit it: You’ve wondered if there’s any desire he’s holding back. Hey, chances are you have a fantasy or curiosity that you may or may not have worked up the courage to divulge just yet, so what’s his?
To find out, we asked some men what they’re not asking for in the bedroom (but secretly kind of want to). Their answers may or may not surprise you, but regardless, it’s a good reminder that we can all be a little more open behind closed doors.
“Dominate me! Having to ask kind of defeats the purpose.” —Dean, 27
“Group sex is something I think would be a crazy experience, but there’s never been a partner who I would ask for that. It would take a lot of alcohol to admit.” —Daniel, 24
“I wish I could just ask for a blowjob sometimes without feeling like I’m asking to be serviced.” —Andrei, 26
“I like it when women are aggressive and creative [and] take initiative and surprise me. You can imagine that it could be difficult to ask your partner to be more spontaneous though.” —Zaiden, 29
“I’ve always wanted to tie a girl up, but I’m worried about asking for that. I watch Law & Order. I know how wrong that can go.” —Bill, 21
“I love it when a girl talks dirty, but I would be embarrassed to ask her to do it. I wouldn’t want her to ask me to do it back. I don’t know how!” —Tommy, 26
“Threesomes. I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings and have her interpret it like, ‘Oh, you don’t like me? You need more?’” —Grant, 25
“What I’ve always wanted to do is have sex with a girl between her boobs, but I wouldn’t want to ask. It could be degrading.” —Billy, 27
“I don’t want to have to ask to cuddle. Don’t laugh! I think some girls assume guys don’t want to cuddle, so they don’t, but we’re not going to ask for that, you know?” —Sam, 29
There are probably things you’re a little too shy to ask for in bed too, so hopefully this can serve as inspiration to open up your bedroom dialogue and remind each other that if you don’t ask, you’ll never know the answer. Whether there’s something you want to try or you just want to gauge your partner’s fantasies, start by having an open, honest, and judgment-free conversation about it. Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to check everything off each person’s list (if it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing), but simply sharing your desires and telling them what you want can go a long way toward an amazing sex life.