I was in a lesbian relationship with my ex-fiancée for almost eight years and we had our ups and downs, like any other relationship.
However about three years into our relationship she cheated on me with a male friend of hers. She said it was the biggest mistake of her life and never spoke to him again.
I proposed to her almost a year after that and we became closer – or so I thought.
Then about a year ago we broke up. It’s a long story, but let’s just say she’s not one to talk when there are issues that need discussion.
I’m still living in her house and I pay all the bills, but I’m looking to move out as it’s best for us to have our own space.
A few weeks ago she sent me a text to say she was ill and couldn’t even go on her date, which really annoyed me – I don’t need to know if she’s dating or who she’s dating.
I’d never say anything like that to her while we’re still under the same roof.
The thing is, we’re still sexually attracted to each other and she says sex with me is the best and she will never find that with anyone else.
We’ve had sex once since she texted me to say she’s dating. I know she’d like to make me jealous – am I being stupid? Please help.
You’ll never be able to sort anything out if you’re still living together and still having sex!
Your ex is definitely playing mind games, too.
Maybe that’s to make you jealous because she’s hurt or maybe she wants to win you back.
If you’ve decided to split then there has to be no sex.
You’re not just mates – you have a lot of history after an eight-year romance. You can’t go back to just having sex and not feeling anything.
It sounds like you have to be the strong one in this because, right now, your ex is getting it all her own way.
She’s dating other people, still having sex with you occasionally and you’re paying all her bills! You’re being taken for a mug.
Pay half the bills, but not all of them!
You have to get strong. Sort a plan for moving out, share the bills, and impose a sex ban!
Maybe you’ll end up back together in the future.
But I don’t think you’ll be able to work out what you really want and how you feel about each other unless you’re apart.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems