I wouldn’t say I’m in a relationship as such, but I’ve been with a guy for six years on and off. It’s a cliche but I suppose we’re “friends with benefits”.
A few months ago he told me he misses me when I’m not around and that he doesn’t spend enough time with me, so he’d like to see me more often.
I was so excited and happy to hear this that I told him I’d already booked a week off to see family, and now I could see him too.
He agreed it was great and said he’d come over to mine on certain days, which made me feel really happy and confident of his feelings towards me.
The first time he arranged to visit didn’t go to plan – he said he was at work, which I understood (now I don’t believe him).
The second time he was supposed to come round he completely ignored my texts and phone calls, leaving me upset and angry.
He made me feel like I must have done something to annoy him or that I’m not attractive enough for him any more. I will admit that I did go a bit crazy by constantly texting and calling him because I just wanted to know what was going on.
Why would he say he wants to see me and then not show up? I am so down on myself and have so many unanswered questions.
I’m not ready to talk to him because it will just upset me more. What do I do?
I think this fella is leading you on. He probably knows you want a full-blown relationship, so he’s dangled a carrot to make you feel secure and then pulled it away from you again.
It’s been six years and if you want to be more than a friend with benefits, then you have to be direct and tell him that. If he’s not willing to commit to more, then tell him you have to move on.
If you don’t, another six years will go by, and if at the end of that, he goes off into the sunset with another woman, how will you feel?
What I do know is that he will never commit to more while you’re putting up with the situation as it is.
I’m generally sceptical about friendships with benefits because one person always ends up wanting more than the other.
And if they’re honest most people will admit they got into a relationship like this hoping it would turn into more.
Perhaps at the beginning it’s fine, but as time goes on problems and insecurities pop up.
I have male friends, but if I wasn’t married there isn’t one of them I’d sleep with because I don’t fancy them (sorry, guys).
They’re friends and I’ll never see them in that way but, if I did, I would want a proper relationship.
Give your FWB a last chance if you want, but if I were you, I’d cut my losses and walk away now.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems