I’m a 20-year-old woman and I have already made some bad decisions in my life, but my worst one by far was getting into a serious relationship with my now ex-boyfriend.
He was controlling and very abusive towards me in many different ways – physically, emotionally and psychologically. But I was head over heels in love with him.
We split up almost two years ago, but I’m still finding it very hard to forget about him.
I find myself thinking about him all the time.
I would never, ever go back to him. I just wish I could move on.
I find it very hard to talk about this with other people and it affects me to the point where I don’t like walking alone at night for fear of meeting him.
I feel like I constantly need to look over my shoulder.
I’m not sure how to forget about the abuse he put me through and the feelings I still have for him.
Do you have any advice?
You need counselling. You’re confused because you’re still thinking about him and wondering if that means you still love and care for him. I think counselling would really help you to put things into context and allow you to move on.
A good place to start is The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (find them online at bacp.co.uk).
It’s often far easier to talk about things with someone you don’t know – particularly when it’s a professional person who is equipped to help you.
I also think you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for getting away from this guy, who sounds revolting.
You’re obviously a strong girl because you did leave him. But when you’ve been in an abusive relationship, leaving doesn’t just suddenly put an end to it all. You’re left with pain and difficult emotions.
Those feelings stay with you and sometimes prevent you from forming new relationships.
But you can be happy again and find a partner who loves and respects you.
You might just need some help confronting those fears from your past and moving past them. Good luck.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems