About three years ago I started seeing a guy and I really liked him, and he really liked me. The only problem was that he was about go to Australia for a year.
It was annoying, but we kept in touch via Facebook and texting. A year went past and he came home, and the first thing he did was meet up with me.
It wasn’t long before we started going out. I had lots of fun with him – he’s funny and we always had a good laugh, usually helped along by booze!
Our relationship started off very physical, but over the years it developed into more of a friendship. For a while I resented him for it, but I’m over that now.
I stopped contacting him for about seven months, got my head together and then he got in touch again.
I met up with him the other night and we went out together. He told me I was always at the back of his mind, which was nice, I guess.
He stayed at my house that night in the spare room – there was no hanky panky, although he did hug me a lot and held my hand.
The next morning I went into his bedroom to see how he was and I caught a glimpse of what he was looking at on his phone – Grindr!
I pretended I didn’t see anything, but he looked shocked and upset when he thought I’d seen what he was up to. Obviously he’s into guys.
What do I do? I don’t want a proper relationship with him – that’s in the past. But I’m happy for us to just be friends because I enjoy his company.
Would that be odd, given that we dated? And how do I broach the subject of Grindr?
I think you’re right to leave all ideas of a relationship behind. Things moved from romance to friendship for a reason.
Just be upfront and say: “Listen, I saw you looking at Grindr, but whatever you do in your private life isn’t a problem for me because we’re not having a romantic relationship.
“We’ve become really good friends now and that’s all I want anyway.”
Maybe he hasn’t come out to anyone yet and he’s still trying to cover up his sexuality by appearing to be in a relationship with a girl.
He might actually be relieved if you bring it up and he knows that you can still be good mates.
He may be desperate to confide in you because you’re someone he trusts and feels close to, but he doesn’t know how to broach the subject because you used to date and he’s unsure how you’ll take it.
Also, drawing a line under this past relationship once and for all will help you both to move on and find romance with other people.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems