I love my boyfriend but I’m worried he’s holding me back. I currently live rent free at home with my parents as I have very little money.
I have to turn down any jobs that involve working weekends so I can see him when he comes home from working away all week.
I understand his job is important but at the same time, I can’t advance my career prospects if I can’t commit to working weekends.
He seems unable to help but says he wants us to move in together, which would involve me relocating to the city where he works.
He says he’s “ashamed” that I still live with my mum and dad. But it’s expensive to uproot my life and move, so how would I afford it? I’ve applied for lots of jobs but every employer says I lack experience.
I don’t know if I should split up with my boyfriend and focus on finding a job – any job – which would mean doing shifts at weekends. Or just stay with him and hope something changes.
Either way, I’d like to move out of home – while I’m not ashamed I live with my parents, I do want my own space. Right now, I feel like I can’t move on.
I think you need to be careful. Reading between the lines, there’s an element of control.
Everything is on his terms – you can’t work at weekends and you have to move to the city where he works.
How would he react if you asked him to take off two days during the week to come and see you?
It’s all very well saying he’s ashamed you still live with your folks and wants you to live with him, but is he prepared to support you financially while you look for a job?
I’m not suggesting you finish with him, but be a bit stronger.
Tell him you need to find a job and if that means working at weekends, that’s what you’ll have to do. Your relationship will either survive it or it won’t.
If you love each other and want it to work, then both of you will work round it.
In any relationship, you have to make sacrifices for each other, but right now you’re the one making them and you will end up resenting him for it.
Carry on looking for a job and if one crops up that involves weekends, then take it.
When you’re trying to get on the career ladder and, especially these days, you can’t afford to turn things down.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems