I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for three years. She’s Asian and originally from Singapore. About six weeks ago, I met my girlfriend’s family for the first time and, while I was alone with her brother he started to ask me some very strange questions about my sex life. He asked me about 20 questions on the subject of what Asian women are like in bed.
I’m Irish and, considering the only Asian woman he knows that I’ve slept with is his sister, these questions completely freaked me out. I honestly don’t know what to think. I would never talk about sex with my sister’s boyfriend, let alone ask specifics about his own sex life or any question that implied I was trying to find out what my sister was like in bed. It’s very, very strange to me.
My girlfriend also told me that her brother, who is 23, still occasionally sleeps in his mother’s bed. The whole thing is odd and I can’t make sense of it, so I’m just thinking crazy things!
Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated.
If he asks questions that make you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to respond to them. All you need to say to him is, “I think your questions are inappropriate when I’m dating your sister. I wouldn’t discuss my sex life with my close friends, let alone my girlfriend’s brother”. And leave it at that. Don’t be drawn into answering any more questions – just be strong and move
the conversation on.
Who knows what is prompting these questions or why, at 23, he still sleeps in his mum’s bed. Perhaps he’s never had a girlfriend and is trying to live vicariously through you, and pick up some tips along the way! He could be intrigued because he’s still a virgin. Or maybe he thinks this laddish banter is the way to break the ice or bond with you. Even so, he should be asking, “What’s sex like?” and not questions relating to your relationship with his sister. I’m sure if your girlfriend knew, she’d be horrified!
But don’t let it affect what you think of your girlfriend – it’s not her fault. And, if this is the first time you’ve met her family because they live in Singapore, it’ll probably be at least another three years before you see them again!
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems