Dear Coleen: My violent ex-boyfriend is blackmailing me for £15,000 and threatening my sister
Dear Coleen
I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years. During that time, I made the mistake of cheating on him and he found out by going through my phone. This was in the beginning of the relationship as I honestly didn’t think it was going anywhere.
After he found out, he said he had forgiven me and we tried to work through it. However, even though he said he’d forgiven me, he started being violent towards me when we had arguments.
For a long time, this made me scared to leave him, but now that we’re not together, he’s saying that I must pay him £15,000 because I cheated. He has threatened to hurt my family and me if I don’t pay up.
I’m scared because I know he will do something. He has even said he would kidnap my sister. When I say I won’t pay he shows up outside my house.
I’ve thought about going to the police but I’m scared. I’m at my wits’ end now and fed up of living in fear of him. I’m stressed out, I can’t eat, sleep or concentrate at work.
I don’t know what to do. I know this might sound ludicrous but please help.
Coleen says
It doesn’t sound ludicrous – he’s battered your self-esteem and confidence for so long that you’ve lost faith in your ability to make decisions.
However, you’ve already taken the hardest step by leaving him, so well done for that. Now he’s relying on the fact you’re still afraid of him so you won’t go to the police and he can keep up this campaign of blackmail and fear.
I’m sure he knows you can’t pay the money and he’s doing it purely to terrorise and control you.
You must inform the police as soon as possible – they will take it seriously. And, if you haven’t already, tell your family what he’s been threatening to do. Don’t try to cope with it alone – the more people who know about it, the more support and protection you have.
And please stop giving yourself a hard time about cheating on him at the beginning of your relationship – nothing warrants violence and intimidation.
I would also keep a record of every threat – any texts, emails, calls and any time he shows up at your house – in case you need it as proof. Take photographs or videos if you can. Good luck and let me know how you get on.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems
