I have been with my boyfriend for four years now although we split up for eight months last year.
My problem is my boyfriend and my best friend seem to hate each other’s guts, but they can’t seem to tell me why.
Every time I mention one to the other, they go off on one and start saying how much they don’t like the other person.
There is no reason why they shouldn’t like each other so it’s starting to make me think that something has gone on between them in the past or even while we’ve been together.
My best friend is drop-dead gorgeous yet my boyfriend will hurl abuse, calling her ugly, which she plainly isn’t! This makes me even more convinced that either something’s gone on or he’d like to hook up with her.
If she posts anything on social media he will always look at it on my phone or read our texts.
I have asked him in the past if anything ever went on between them and he told me to “stop being stupid”.
The three of us are going to an event together soon and I feel nervous about what it’s going to be like. I don’t think I would trust them alone together.
Sorry to say this but as soon as I started reading your letter I thought, “OK, they fancy each other”. They’re trying to avoid making it obvious by constantly having a go at one another.
That might sound really cynical, but that’s my first instinct. I think if two people keep bad-mouthing each other when there doesn’t seem to be a reason, then it’s natural to feel suspicious of them. And as I always say, if your gut is telling you something isn’t right, then it probably isn’t. When you’re at this event, I’d say something about how you feel to both of them and see how they react.
Say, “You know what, you’re my boyfriend and you’re my best friend and you either start making the effort to get along or we can never be in the same room together – at a party, at the pub, anywhere”.
And tell them you want a reason from both of them why they don’t like each other and see what those reasons are.
I think you need to provoke a response now rather than just letting things continue and drive yourself mad about what may or may not have gone on in the past.
If something has gone on or they fancy each other, I’m hoping they’ll have the guts to come clean when they realise you’ve cottoned on.
I know you probably haven’t done this yet because you’re afraid of what you might find out, but if you don’t address it, this will ruin your relationship anyway. Your suspicions will run riot, you’ll stop trusting him and things will implode.
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