Some day, you’re going to be 80 and your penis is going to be out of commission. So you’ll want to have some good stories of the outrageous times the two of you had together back in your hay day to entertain your fellow retirement home buddies with.
What I’m trying to say is, there are a few sex acts out there that might sound downright weird when you first hear about them…but once you give them a shot, you’ll be glad that you tried them out. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, you know? Heck, you and bae might even work a few into your normal routine.
If you’ve never asked your girlfriend for a “Pop Rocks blow job” or taken a nibble on her “vampire ass,” now’s the time. Here are 10 kind of strange but totally awesome sex acts you should try with your partner at least once.
1. Pop Rocks Blow Job
In case your childhood didn’t involve seeing how many Pop Rocks you could fit in your mouth at one time during recess, these rock-shaped candies do this weird but pleasing sizzle thing when you put a bunch of them in your mouth. Now, imagine feeling that sensation all around your member as your girl goes down on you with a mouthful of them. Trust us, she’ll be into it — especially if you buy the strawberry flavor.
2. Electric Shock Foreplay
Give your foreplay an added spark by using an electro shock sex toy, like the Violet wand. These toys give off low grade, non-harmful electrical vibrations. It’s stimulating and exciting anytime you introduce an unfamiliar feeling to your body, so turn on one of these bad boys to get things jumpstarted.
3. The Warm Ball Dip
If you’re a fan of ball play, this one is going to make you pretty happy. Dip your balls into a cup of warm liquid — tea, hot cocoa or warm milk are great for this, but whatever you’ve got on hand will do the trick. Then, have your woman blow bubbles into the cup using a straw. Kind of like a jacuzzi for your ball sack…
4. Road Head
It’s not just for the teenagers. Getting some fellatio while you’re out on the open road should definitely be on your sex bucket list. This one is best executed on a long drive where there aren’t many stoplights or much traffic (unless you crazy kids don’t mind having an audience).
5. Butt Plug Pony
Some dudes are really weird about getting their backdoor involved when it comes to sex things. But closing your butthole for business really means that you’re missing out, especially since there are a ton of nerve endings back there that are way pleasurable when stimulated. If you want to feel extra manly about it, let your partner insert a butt plug with a tail. Then bang her like the wild horse you are.
6. The Vampire Ass Bite
Ever see an ass so fine that you literally want to take a bite out of it? Taking an actual chomp out of an ass will probably result in assault charges, but taking a nice big nibble that doesn’t break the skin is completely fair game. In fact, it’ll be pleasurable for the both of you.
7. Ice Cream Cunnilingus
Think of it as an ice cream social for your partner’s clit. The cold temperature will feel extra good on her, and she’ll taste like whatever delicious ice cream flavor you opt to use for this one. Not to mention, that leftover ice cream will make an ideal post-shag snack.
8. Etch A Sketch Nipple Play
Take turns with your partner, and treat each other’s nipples like they’re the knobs of an Etch A Sketch. Draw a self-portrait, a butterfly, a race car…as long as you twist them like you’re working toward something, it’s all good. Any day you can make 90’s nostalgia sexy is a good day, indeed.
9. Finger Blowjobs
Before you ask: No, receiving a finger blowjob doesn’t replace the real thing. Basically, it’s a reenactment of a blowjob, done to your fingers before the actual event. Think of it as a sneak preview of what your woman will be doing to your dick with her mouth later on. It’s really, really hot.
10. “Just the Tip” Clit Rub
It’s both of your sensitive parts, rubbed together to create a strange but extremely pleasing sensation. Take the tip of your dick and slowly, gently rub it up and down her clit. Using lube will further help your cause.