I’m in a bit of a pickle. My husband left me for five months saying he “couldn’t do it any longer”, referring to the constant arguments we were having.
We are now back together after some counselling, but during the sessions, I discovered he’d slept with a woman. I’m really struggling to accept this and forget about it.
I know we weren’t together when he slept with her, but I suppose I just didn’t think he would do something like that
Can you advise me on how I can move past this?
I don’t think you can expect to forget about it. That’s not going to happen and, anyway, it’s much healthier for your relationship in the long run to confront it.
But it is possible to move on from in time. Repairing your relationship isn’t going to happen overnight – you need to deal with the reasons for the constant arguments, which it sounds like you’re doing through counselling, as well as your feelings around him sleeping with someone else.
I don’t like generalising but, for men, sleeping with someone after a break-up is often their way of getting through it and trying to move on.
Women don’t tend to think like that – we’re too busy mourning the loss of the relationship to think about getting involved with anyone else.
But you were separated when he slept with this woman and if you’ve agreed to try to rebuild your marriage, then you can’t keep throwing it in his face or you’ll never be able to move on.
As long as you’re both honest with each other and he answers any questions you have about what happened with the other woman, then you do have a chance at making a fresh start.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems