The other day, I was invited by The Rotary Club, Asokoro branch, to come and have a small talk with them. The theme of the talk was, Longevity in Marriage and the challenges of bonding. Why me? I guess what qualified me is my seemingly fairytale marriage to Lady Diane for the past 37yrs. Hummmm e no easy sha. On the D day, it was as informal as I had requested, as we all shared some of our challenges in our present relationships. I guess most of us including me, walked out of the Hall room that day with some take-away on tips of how to keep our relationships and marriages refreshing. It was a very warm interactive session, as phones numbers and Hi fives were exchanged at the end.
A few days after our incisive meet, someone who described himself as my number 1 fan called. He said he read my piece on marriage, The Impossible Fusion. From his tone, he was under pressure in his marriage. He has only been married for 4yrs and already his marriage has suddenly become sexless, no action in the room. He wasn’t finding it funny. He was no longer as attracted to his wife as he used to be, and boy, was he feeling real bad about this! Only 4yrs? I re-echoe., hummm!
Weytin we go come talk again, we wey don collect 37yrs, we might as well forget sex in our marriage?
Many of us are struggling through this same problem right now and most of us feel very bad about it; but no one can imagine the shit some of us go through. And who said that there isn’t a connection from your brain to your Kini. So if your head is suddenly filled up with challenges, stress, responsibilities, wahala, different winches pursuing you, how your kini go work correct for your spouse? But check it, this is not only a man’s wahala, women go through the same shit. Women can be known to put sex on the back burner, but usually because they have all burners going at once, typically thinking about 20 things simultaneously and sex gets shuffled around in the mix. Kids get sick, husband is growing a stove as potbelly, his drinking is getting out of hand, or his physical abuse, work priorities come up again, an argument with your spouse and before you know it, sex just jumps several items down on that list of priorities-
And, just in case you’re puzzled by what decreases the sex life between couples, never worry too much, desire fades. My own take sha.
Keep in mind that a decent sex life takes work, there is no quick fix. Just like having good health and a good body takes effort in the way of proper diet and exercise.
We have to keep trying to focus on making our relationship better in general; communication, I have always said, is key. We must continually act as partners in this business, share interests and activities together, go through hardships together. Kai what are friends for? From time to time, try some weird shit, like masturbating, read or watch something naughty. The one that gets my Iyawo is when I send her dirty text messages, or send poems to her email, or suddenly bring her flowers when there is no special occasion. In fact I can’t lie you, I dey try, she herself know. When you guys sleep, make doubly sure say one way or the other, your bodies must keep touching till morning. Ol boy, forget oooo NA WORK! However, it is fun work if you are emotionally intelligent. I remember days we also used to go to short time hotels to catch a quickie, she loves that. We try not to think too much about sex these days though, it happens when it happens, it’s only natural.
As long as we keep making an attempt and our partners can also feel that, believe me, no wahala. At all at all, na him bad pass.
For women who can’t find the inspiration to have sex with their husbands again, biko fantasize about the hottest man you want, that may wet and jump-start your dry garden.
Every now and again, arrange an elaborate travel plan or something that will just knock your spouse off their tracks for a long time. Make we all dey learn how to try, because my guy, nowhere wey e easy. Marriage no be moi moi, I don see tire, but the devil I know pass some winches I dey see these days.