I’ve known this boy a few years, even though he lives in a different country. Things were fine at the start, but I seemed to have turned into some sort of counsellor rather than being a friend.
Recently, I’ve become very frustrated and easily aggravated with him. I’ve even been trying to avoid his messages because I don’t want to talk to him.
This guy seems to think he is always the victim in every situation, and when I try to tell him that he’s wrong he gets upset and angry with me.
Plus, whenever I talk to him he demands I tell him if I have to log off to do something, whether it’s for a few minutes or for several hours. I could be doing something for my mum or I could be getting dinner – it doesn’t matter.
I can’t even go to the bathroom or get a glass of water without him questioning why I’m not replying to his messages.
If I don’t reply within 30 seconds, he’ll assume he’s offended me. It makes no sense at all.
I can never win an argument with him. He thinks the whole world is against him. I actually went mad at him at one point, and said that if he didn’t change his behaviour I wouldn’t speak to him again. I went off for a little while to cool off, and when I went back online he started saying he was depressed and was bullied as a child, and that no one would care if he died.
This struck a chord because of personal experience. I don’t know if he’s lying to me to make me feel bad or to make sure I stay friends with him.
I feel trapped, and sometimes I feel as if he’s putting me down, too. I’m 16 and still at school.
I think your instinct about this so-called friend is spot on. He’s controlling you and keeping you hooked by making you feel bad about yourself and with (possibly fake) tales of being bullied. It’s emotional blackmail.
How do you know he’s really who he says he is and if anything he’s told you is the truth? He could have made up an entire profile for himself in order to get you to chat to him.
Please don’t share any information about where you live and talk to your parents about what’s going on or to someone else you trust who can give you an honest opinion.
I think you’re absolutely doing the right thing by ignoring his messages. Why not delete him from any social networking accounts and block his messages? You’re only 16, you’ve got a real life to live, so get away from your computer and engage with your friends at school and at home.
There’s no need for you to feel trapped. And confide in your friends about it, too. I think the more people you share this with, the more convinced you’ll be that it’s a good idea to drop this negative ‘friendship’ in the trash.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems