My husband and I recently moved to a new area with our 10-month-old baby. It’s a really friendly community and we’ve settled in well and are very happy.
My problem is, one of the men my husband has become friendly with is definitely the sort to lead him astray. He’s also married and has two young kids, but he’s a real “Jack the lad” character.
He’s good fun when we’re out, but the more drunken stories I hear from him about his past – including infidelities – the less I trust him and the more I want to distance myself.
He adores my husband – there’s a real bromance going on – but he makes quite bitchy remarks to me and is always talking over me when I’m making conversation.
I know it sounds crazy, but it’s like he’d rather I was out of the picture.
I haven’t said anything to my husband – I’m sure he’ll think I’m being silly and that he can look after himself – but I can’t help feeling uneasy.
My husband drinks more than usual in his company – he’s usually not a big drinker and it’s like he’s trying to impress him.
What should I do – say something and risk looking crazy or just ignore it and try not to be in his company too often so he can’t wind me up?
I’m sure your husband is capable of handling himself – and so are you. If this bloke talks over you, tell him to stop being rude.
And if he makes a bitchy remark, then pull him up on it. People like him tend to get away with murder because we let them get away with stuff we wouldn’t dream of letting others get away with.
As with lots of crushes (and this bromance is basically a big crush), the intensity doesn’t last, so I’m sure things will calm down and they’ll settle into a more normal friendship once the novelty of finding each other wears off.
It’s not always possible to get on with our partner’s friends, but we need to accept them unless they do something unforgiveable.
I’m sure if this friend said anything rude to you, your hubby would be the first to jump to your defence. And just because his mate has cheated in the past, doesn’t mean he will do the same now he’s friends with him. Give him some credit.
You’re right, you don’t have to spend a lot of time in his company and if your husband asks you why, then be honest and say you don’t enjoy his company.
But the bottom line is, there’s no contest. If it came to a choice between you and his new mate, of course he’s going to be in your corner.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems