I have been with my girlfriend for six years and love her very much.
We are soulmates, we instinctively know what the other is thinking and she always makes me so happy.
The problem is that I’ve always had a problem reaching orgasm. I would literally go for hours without “sealing the deal” shall we say. So I began faking orgasms with my girlfriend, as I didn’t want her to feel inadequate.
However, over the past few months I have started prematurely faking ejaculation. I never “last” more than a minute before feigning ecstasy. And, obviously, this is taking its toll on our sex life.
I have tried relaxing, but no matter what happens the second we start having sex I can feel myself starting to fake an orgasm.
Could it be stress from work?
I’m too embarrassed to see my GP. Please help.
First of all, don’t be embarrassed, your GP will have heard it many times before, along with much more embarrassing problems.
Once you’re in the room with them and see how matter-of-fact your doctor is, it won’t be embarrassing at all and you’ll feel hugely relieved that you’ve got it off your chest and taken the first important step to solving it.
Ask to see a male doctor if you’d feel more comfortable, but please don’t let it ruin your (sex) life without even trying to get help.
Originally, it could have been down to anxiety or stress at work, but then it turned into a deep-rooted fear of not being able to perform and now faking it has become a habit that you can’t get out of.
You’re right, being able to relax is important, so stop putting pressure on yourself in bed. Go back to basics and enjoy being intimate with your girlfriend without the pressure to orgasm.
She might not have realised you’re faking orgasm (although I’m surprised about that), but she will obviously be concerned that you’re not lasting very long, so you can use that as your reason for wanting to build intimacy again instead of going straight for penetrative sex.
And, if it makes you feel better, why not use “work stress” as the reason for being tense in bed and climaxing too quickly. I think it might help if you open up to her a little, so she can help.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems