I recently found out my husband had an affair and now has a six-month- old son. He didn’t tell me – I had to be told by someone else.
He denied it at first and then said it was over, but that he had to take care of his child. He now wants my children to meet his son, but they don’t look like they want to.
I have asked him if he wants to leave me to be with her, but he doesn’t want us to split up. However, he won’t talk about the affair, he just says he made a mistake but that he has a responsibility to his son.
But why couldn’t he have told me all this himself?
I imagine because he was worried you’d leave him – but it sounds like you’re looking for ways to move on from this.
However, he can’t pretend it never happened and that you won’t want to talk about it. He needs to be honest about his reasons and go into as much detail as you want. And you need to address those issues, otherwise there’s a risk he’ll do it again.
I respect the fact he’s taking responsibility for his child. As for your kids, perhaps they don’t want to meet the baby because they’re worried about being disloyal to you. You could tell them that although what their dad did was wrong, it’s not baby’s fault and it would be a shame for you not to get to know him. You can’t force your kids into it – it’s something they have to decide for themselves.
* More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems