Pricey Coleen: Her boyfriend is abusive so why is she again with him?

Pricey Coleen

I’ve recognized my greatest good friend for almost 10 years. A number of months in the past, she got here out of a horrible three-yr relationship with this man who I’ve by no means appreciated.

Throughout their time collectively he was very controlling of her and was all the time making damaging feedback about how she seemed, her cooking and the best way she cleaned the home. He didn’t raise a finger as soon as.

And he has shoved her many occasions and slammed doorways proper in her face, calling her “pathetic” and “a no one”. It was actually nasty, aggressive behaviour.

When she turned single once more, she was so joyful to have her freedom again. The truth is, I’ve by no means seen her so constructive and lively.

After which her ex began calling her daily, saying how a lot he missed her.

He tried the identical tactic earlier than when she left him years in the past, and she or he fell again into his lure fairly simply.

I’ve warned her time and time once more to stay away from him, however she insists he has modified for the higher. Please assist!

Coleen says

I’m with you on this – he sounds vile. Nevertheless, I’m afraid your good friend goes to have to assist herself out of this one.

It virtually seems like she’s hooked on him, or to the drama within the relationship, and he is aware of which buttons to press and the right way to activate the appeal when it’s wanted.

I’m positive he can be an exquisite human being – till she falls prey to his abuse.

As a very good pal, you need to be trustworthy together with her about how you are feeling, however don’t reduce her off. Inform her you’ll all the time be her greatest mate and also you’ll assist her come what might, however you don’t need to hang around together with her if he’s there too.

And it feels like she is going to want you as a result of it’s going to occur once more.

The issue is, you may give her all the recommendation and knowledge on the earth, however she’s in denial that she’s in an abusive relationship.

She gained’t see it this manner and can make each excuse she will to justify his behaviour, “It’s as a result of he cares a lot” and so forth.

It’s very irritating when you possibly can see what’s actually occurring, however whenever you’re the one who’s in love with that individual, it’s very onerous to acknowledge the reality.

Don’t be too exhausting on her, hold speaking to one another and permit her to open up to you, so if issues do go fallacious, she gained’t be too embarrassed to inform you. And attempt to construct up her vanity which should have taken a battering throughout this relationship.

If she feels stronger in herself, she’ll be extra more likely to make the choice to dump him for good.

For additional recommendation and knowledge, name the Nationwide Home Violence helpline on 0808 2000 247.

* Extra of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s recommendation in your intercourse, household, well being and relationship issues