Ever notice that once you are in a relationship for awhile your physical desire wanes a bit?
Maybe you’re not naturally lubricating as much you were when you first met. Maybe you just aren’t having the sex you once did when everything was new. The butterflies in your stomach aren’t quite as active, anticipation has faded, and maybe the excitement that once was is no longer.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s likely that all of those feelings, sensations, and emotions have been replaced with comfort, stability, and ease. Trust builds over time. Which definitely has its own yumminess.But here you are a year or 10 years later wondering why you have a dry vagina. Are you just not turned on by him anymore? Is it his fault? Is it yours?
Whoa. Slow down, girl. Let’s talk about some of the real possibilities for why your vagina is so dry:
1. Lack of arousal
Okay, it’s true, arousal often brings lubrication. Maybe you aren’t spending enough time focussing on what it is that turns you on about him.
Remember when you first met, the little things that turned you on? Maybe it was the curve of his neck, the shape of his lips or the way he looked at you. Try milking those remembrances.
2. Lack of foreplay
Sometimes we get so busy, we think we don’t have time for foreplay. Or we want to have sex, but we don’t want to spend much time at it. So the dance of foreplayis lost.
Remember when just thinking about him and the anticipation of things to come made you wet? Remember when kissing him, smelling him and the feel of his skin sent you over the moon? Maybe it’s time to bring some of that back!
Whether it’s your own emotions about family, work or kids, or relationship issues with your beloved, stress is no fun. And it can be the reason for your body not responding in the way that you’d like your body to respond.
Stress is nothing to laugh about and it’s certainly not something to sweep under the rug. Finding help, either a therapist or coach helps. Meditating, slowing down, and recognizing all the good in your life helps too. Do something about your stress, and you may find that dry vagina balancing its own self out.
4. Hormonal shifts
In the last year did you change your contraceptive, get pregnant, or move into menopause? Women are our hormones. We just can’t get around it. We are run by our hormones. And those hormones shift and change over time, and depending on a whole variety of factors those shifts can affect our natural lubrication.
Sometimes, we need to just ride it out. Sometimes, we need a good lube. (Yes, I developed Yoni Bliss for this reason, as well as to help your body balance itself out again.) Sometimes, we need to look at herbal supplementation or medication.
Do what feels right for you.
5. Health changes
The body becomes diseased for many different reasons. But those changes can make a difference in all areas of our lives including our body’s response during sex.
It may make no sense that it means you aren’t as lubricated as you’d like. But our bodies are complicated and it’s amazing that it works in such an incredibly intricate way.
Getting help for those changes always seems prudent to me. Although I’m a proponent of receiving help in a way that feels life-giving for you.
6. Lifestyle changes
Has your new relationship brought on lifestyle changes for you? Some lifestyle changes are good. Maybe we are working out more, or watching what we eat. But, sometimes, we get into changes that aren’t so good for our vajayjays. Maybe we are drinking more alcohol or smoking more or not getting enough water.
You might be thinking you are having fun, but your body is rebelling. Assess and see if there are changes you want to make that would make you and your yoni (sanskrit for vagina) feel better.
7. Cleaning too much
Our vaginas are designed to be self-cleaning. But sometimes, due to our desire to smell good or to be desirable for our mate, we may get into an internal cleaning or douching regime.
All I can say to this one is STOP IT! Your vagina doesn’t need any help in this department unless it is under stress with bacterial or yeast infection. But under normal circumstances, there really is nothing that needs to be done. Really. Yes, of course, shower, or bathe. Use a mild soap on your perineum, and go no further.
So there you have it. If your relationship feels good. If it’s making you happy in oh so many ways, there may be nothing to fret about if your vagina is dry now and then. But if you are concerned, these suggestions may help you on your way to solving the problem.