Don’t fall for gimmicks or simple solutions. This actually works, but you need to truly want it.
When two people start dating, their sex life is amazing. Learning your turn-ons and turn-offs, favorite positions, experimenting, having sex wherever and wherever you can, are just some of many examples why your intercourse can be incredibly erotic.
Fast forward a couple of years and that same couple isn’t happy with their sexual intercourse. Long story short — their sex life is boring. Monotony isn’t the only reason behind dull sex, it can also be one of the symptoms of depression that affects one of them, or maybe they became distant from one another.
There’s a way to keep sex hot all the time. Want to know what it is? Keep reading!
Before you find out an easy way to keep your sex hot all the time, let’s discuss factors that affect sex life and intimacy in relationships. In order to work on improving your sex life, you have to be aware of all potential factors that could be ruining it.
The list of the biggest threats to your sex life include:
- Depression: It affects millions of people and causes a multitude of both physical and mental symptoms. Causes of depression can be complex, in many cases it’s a combination of heredity, life trauma or persistent stress, and other factors. Studies show that depressed patients have low sex drives which correlate to the loss of interest in daily activities. When one person is depressed, then he/she is unlikely to agree to have sex.
- Couple’s arguments: Every couple has arguments and issues to solve at one point or another. If you avoid these subjects and try to act like nothing’s wrong, although something is clearly up, then the resentment will prevent you from being passionate.
- Alcohol: You may think alcohol puts you in the mood, but the opposite is true. This is especially problematic if one person in a relationship consumes alcohol excessively.
- Lack of sleep: Without good night’s rest, you have no urge to have sex.
- Menopause: The inevitable “change” that women go through is strongly associated with lower libido.
- Erectile dysfunction: Men may want to avoid sex because they experience problems with erections.
Other enemies of passion and intimacy include negative body image, different interests in sex, and the frequency of intercourse.
Now that you know all the reasons that affect a couple’s intimacy, you’re probably eager to find out the secret to hot sex again.
Without a further ado, the secret to an amazing sex life is devotion to deeper vulnerability.
What’s that got to do with passion, intimacy, and hot sex? You’re probably asking yourself that question right now, but the truth is that vulnerability has everything to do with your entire relationship, including sexual intimacy.
All romantic couples are different, but they have some similarities too. What’s common for all relationships is the tension between the need for closeness or intimacy and the need for independence.
Think about it. You want to feel the freedom, but you also want to feel close to someone. This subject is a major source of tension and resentment among two people.
It’s important to bear in mind the term “independence” doesn’t refer to acting like the person is single.
Here, the word just indicates all things and activities not related to romance and sex that a person would like to do (for example, going to the gym).
Each person in a relationship knows how much closeness and independence they need. In most instances, two are on the opposite ends. For example, one person needs more independence than the other. At the same time, one person may feel the greater need for sex or closeness than their partner.
Although you may have never used the term “vulnerability”, chances are high that you’ve already had a discussion about the frequency of sex life at some point in your relationship. Without a compromise, your sex life suffers.
An easy way to increase passion is to establish a balance between closeness and independence. One shouldn’t overrule the other. For example, too much independence takes away the intimacy and turns sex into a robotic experience while excessive closeness reduces the excitement.
How do you find the equilibrium? There’s no specific formula that you can use to make it happen. You just have to do a simple thing — communicate.
Communication between two people is crucial to relationship success and hot sex. That is the only way to learn needs and preferences of your partner. The open and honest conversation will also help you compromise. Here are a few tips:
- Feel free to discuss important, sex-related subjects with your partner.
- Don’t feel shy to ask anything you want.
- Discuss strengths and weaknesses of your sex life and work to improve them.
- Ask your partner how much sex, spending time together, or independence they need and you say the same.
- Respect each other’s differences; even though it’s a relationship two people are allowed to think differently.
- Compromise and meet each other halfway.
The secret to hot sex goes beyond sexy underwear and sex toys, it is rooted in couple’s balance of closeness and independence which you can only discover by being vulnerable with one another.
When you reach a compromise, your sex will be hotter than ever. This can only be achieved through communication which addresses all your concerns, wishes, desires, and allows you to help one another even through the tough times.
If you’re struggling with low libido and symptoms of depression or some other problem that affects sex life, communicate with your partner and you’ll solve it easily. Passion and intimacy aren’t limited to the naked body only, they stem from mutual understanding.
Donna Begg is an expert editor, a mentor, analyst, and a researcher.