Hint, hint, guys!
Let’s face it, sex can be a mixed bag for many women. Some women love it, some women don’t. Some women fear it, and others need it to alleviate stress. We are all so different when it comes to sex, and what we’d wish would happen every time we have sex.
I thought it would be fun to do a mini survey of how to please a woman from some of the women in my life. Girlfriends and clients were seemingly all over the map when it came to talking about sexual satisfaction.
(Though there was one thing that came up over and over, which I’ll get to in a moment.)
Here is what I’ve heard women say they want and desire from men:
- Foreplay: This can include an innuendo on her way out the door to work or flirty texts. It includes patting her bottom or hugging her as you make dinner together.
- Kissing: A lot of it. Do you know how many nerve endings are in your lips? Lots! And they could be considered the most erogenous zone in the body.
- Slow turn on: Quickies are great…sometimes. But a slow burn is better.
- To be highly lubricated: Some women want to be so turned-on that she doesn’t even think about the lube on her nightstand.
- Laughter: Shared laughter is such a bonding experience.
- Touch: Remember nerve endings? They are everywhere on a body. The fun part is finding the most sensitive areas.
- Play: Passion can be playful. And play can be passionate.
- Conversation: Exchange your ideas with her. Give ger your words and she’ll give you her body.
- Variety: Change it up. Do something unexpected. Surprise her.
- Pleasure: Satisfy and delight her and allow her to do the same for you.
- Dancing: Vertical or horizontal. Move your bodies.
- A sense of groove: Are you in sync? A symbiosis that’s mutually fulfilling.
- Connection: She wants to feel your heart. She wants to feel you in this with her.
- Expectancy: Anticipation heightens arousal. And that feels yummy.
- Sexy talk: Engage with your words. Tell her what you are going to do.
- A good spanking: Yes, please!
- Orgasm. Over and over again: Yes, give her multiple orgasms. But she’d also like to have an orgasm every time she has sex.
There are two things that I love about this list. First, it speaks directly to the feminine. It’s a long list. And it’s a list that I bet would change the next time I ask the same question.
Women are moody. And not in a bad way. We are like the wind, or the seasons, moving and changing. Even those who don’t see themselves that way must concede that even they have a whiff of understanding about how true this is.
Feminine essence is one of receptivity, sensitivity, and motion.
Secondly, we really do have a longing for orgasm. And what is orgasm if not a total letting go? It is pleasure taking over, and having its way with us.
Some of us have a harder time letting ourselves let go that way. It requires surrender, and surrender can be scary. We spend so much of our lives battling onward and getting stuff done to let go in this area. Whoa, we say, give me some time.
So what do we wish for? A coaxing, a playing, a foretaste of things to come.
But underneath all of that, (and now I speak directly to the guys) we want to know we can trust you.
Trust you so that we can let go. And it’s in the dance beforehand that you can show us that. You want us to become aroused. You can do that! Dance with us, play with us, text us sexy messages. Tell us you adore us. You have a lot of power to make us want to surrender to you.
(And please know that I am not talking about the manipulators and narcissists out there. I am talking about good men. And there a plenty of good men out there! We just need to be aware when we are in the presence of a good man.)
So, what are the benefits of all of this good sex?
1. It relieves stress.
Hormones and endorphins are released into the body during sex, which helps to reduce cortisol and relieve stress. And whether you are in a committed relationship or a new one, anticipation provides mood altering sensations that benefit our desire for sex.
2. We sleep better.
And who doesn’t like a good night sleep! Vasopressin, released during orgasm, is associated with better sleep, as is oxytocin.
3. We bond with our partner.
Oxytocin, considered the love hormone, released during orgasm produces feelings of warmth and connection with our partners. And there are some studies that indicate that falling asleep shortly after having sex indicates that desire to bond. And isn’t it delicious to sometimes sleep in the arms of your beloved?
4. We live longer.
Interested in living long and well. Cultivate good sex.
Here’s my take away on this oh so hot topic:
It may be about the destination (orgasm), but it’s the journey that gets me there. Ask yourself what it is that you’d like every time you have sex. Ask your partner to join you in the ride.