It’s not a stretch to say that when it comes to sex, an orgasm is usually considered par for the course. Naturally, with the amount of emphasis placed on having a ‘noticeable pay off’, having to admit that we’ve never had that experience before can feel a little embarrassing (especially after reading all of those sex education books). But that, right there, is the problem.
Even though everyone sees orgasms as the height of sexual intimacy, you don’t actually need to have an orgasm to show that you’re having a good time.
No, we’re not kidding.
Sex therapist Moushumi Ghose goes so far as to contradict what we usually think by saying that “a large majority of women have not experienced orgasm.” Say what?!
There are so many measures that we can take to increase the odds of enjoying sex, and possibly even reaching climax. For starters, we have to realize that just because not everyone has had an orgasm, it doesn’t mean that sex can’t be pleasurable without it.
Instead of focusing what we think is supposed to feel or how we’re supposed to feel, we have to spend more time being comfortable with ourselves. We don’t need to take an sex education class to know that if it feels good (and right), we should just sit back and enjoy it!
Hi, I’m Moushumi Ghose with “Ask An Expert”, here to answer your love and sex questions. I’ve never had an orgasm. I don’t want to tell my new boyfriend but I also want to fake it. What can I do?
Thank you for your very important question. I think it’s really important too first of all know that a large majority of women have not experienced orgasm. I also think that there is an in ordinate of focus placed on orgasms in our culture to orgasm. And that sex can be enjoyable and pleasurable without orgasming every time.
The first thing to know about orgasm, if this is something that you’re really focused on achieving is that you need to be comfortable and you need to be relaxed. You need to be in an environment where you feel safe and this is absolutely key in allowing for orgasm. The second thing to do is to be comfortable with your own body.
Masturbate! Masturbating has helped lots of women achieve orgasm. Use of vibrator can help women to achieve orgasm sometimes. It’s also important to know that most women do not achieve orgasm through intercourse or via the vagina. Clitoral orgasms are more common and the clitoris is actually not in the vagina but actually below the pelvic bone.
And lastly when it comes to telling your boyfriend, I think it’s ok if you feel safe and comfortable with him to actually talk to him about it. Bring him in on the conversation. This might be something that the two of you explore together.
If you feel safe and comfortable with him, you might be able to relax and he might be able to be a big part in helping you achieve your orgasm. But the most important thing to remember about orgasm is that it’s not required for you to have an enjoyable and pleasurable experience during sex. So focus on what feels good.
Focus on what’s working and remember to enjoy the experience.