10 Different Types Of Blowjobs

In a modern world where men are increasingly socially conditioned to learn how to master cunnilingus, it’s time that equality seeking, modern women learned how to master the art of fellatio too. Since the media today often instructs (or brainwashes) women on how their men should pleasure them orally using bizarre, exotic techniques, men also deserve to know the different types of blowjobs that they could possibly experience with their partners.

One of the least things a modern woman can do for her partner is to provide the perfect blowjob for his fetish in return. Even if she does learn to master all the described types here, she’d still benefit in many ways—from strengthening her facial muscles to improving her Duckface (for taking selfies), her agility, and her general oral skills.

How to rate a blowjob

Before proceeding to discuss the types of blowjobs, it’s important to know how to rate them at first. Rating a blowjob is the same as rating a sexual encounter.

The rating factors are as follows:

The important ones among these are the pleasure level, female expertise (fellatio skill), time duration, comfort (difficulty level), and orgasm intensity factors. A good blowjob is when these factors significantly contribute to a pleasant, memorable experience.  And an exceptional blowjob is the memorable one which she provides to get you in the mood even if you’re not in it.

Don’t worry if some of the below blowjob types appear bizarre, since some cunnilingus techniques you’d find online are equally the same. If you can improvise and add to this list, then all the better.

1. The Idiot’s or Virgin’s Blowjob

• Description: Involves her role-playing the virgin who’s sucking cock for her first time (a good opportunity for her to rediscover her lost “innocence” and reclaim her “virginity”, especially if she’s a slut). A word of caution though: a lot of closet sluts successfully use this blowjob to masquerade themselves and ensnare ignorant men (idiots) into ‘relationships’ by performing it during the first encounter, thus the alternate name “The Idiot’s Blowjob” (for the idiot who falls victim for this type).
• Time Duration: More than 5 minutes
• Pleasure: Depends on how much you enjoy her role playing
• Comfort: Average
• Orgasm intensity: Depends on her expertise
• Female expertise: Not much, her acting (faking) skills are more important for this one

2. The Hiffy or Caveman’s Blowjob

• Description: Essentially a super quick, rough blowjob. Most sluts master it with practice in risky public environments or gangbangs. Involves fast sucking with vigorous bobbing of her head, and plenty of digital stimulation of your genitals.  This blowjob usually doesn’t last long as the primary focus is more on a quick orgasm and less on quality, sensual tactile pleasure.
• Time Duration: Between 30 seconds to 5 minutes at the maximum
• Pleasure: Negligible to average
• Comfort: Negligible to average
• Orgasm intensity: Depends when you last ejaculated
• Female expertise: Little to average as you vigorously thrust while she just nods

3. The Messy Blowjob

• Description: A blowjob which involves you ejaculating everywhere (on her or the surroundings), except in her mouth. It’s called a messy blowjob because it usually creates a mess at the end of it. Perfect for men who like to see their women drenched in their cum, and women who like cum showers.  All types of blowjobs can all end up as a messy blowjob depending on just the target of the climax. The risk factor is that an irresponsible messy blowjob can land you in a mess (think semen stained items).
• Time Duration: Variable
• Pleasure: Variable
• Comfort: Variable
• Orgasm intensity: Strong enough to create a mess
• Female expertise: Variable

4. The Standard Blowjob

• Description: A relaxed and slower version of the Hiffy in more comfortable surroundings. A standard among most couples throughout the world, but deserves mention here because most men usually can’t distinguish it from the other types (to them, a blowjob is just a blowjob). But even blowjobs have different types and labels, just like how women have.
• Time Duration: More than 5 minutes
• Pleasure: Variable, leaning more towards average. A bad blowjob is however quite common in this type, especially from unenthusiastic women in committed, secure relationships
• Comfort: Average
• Orgasm intensity: Depends when you last climaxed
• Female expertise: Average

5. The Gourmet Blowjob

• Description: Involves edible items (food essences). Marinate her favorite essence profusely on your shaft and make her fellate you. Works perfect when you want her to go down on you after you’ve just taken a piss. The taste of her favorite essence on your dick will then mask the last drops of urine dribbling out into her mouth, making it unnoticeable to her.
• (In contrast, eating pussy is often like noticeably eating raw liver— and in worst cases, like eating rotten seafood.)  The gourmet blowjob also works effectively when she’s thirsty or starved. Keep repeating the procedure till orgasm. For men with wilder, kinky fetishes—read the addendum at the end.)
• Time Duration: More than 10 minutes
• Pleasure: Good to Excellent
• Comfort: Relaxing, comfortable surroundings needed
• Orgasm intensity: Often powerful
• Female expertise: Exceptional

6. The Vocal Blowjob

• Description: Involves exaggerated dirty sex talk and animated vocal sounds of her gurgling and choking on your dick (deep throat thrusting could also achieve that). However, this blowjob becomes irritating when repeated frequently.
• Time Duration: More than 5 minutes
• Pleasure: Variable
• Comfort: Don’t attempt this without complete privacy
• Orgasm intensity: Depends on her expertise
• Female expertise: Good for sucking, exceptional for vocal and acting skills

7. The Handicapped Blowjob

• Description: Involves use of her mouth and tongue on your genitalia exclusivément, with no hands involved at all. You could hog-tie her for added effect.  Works best when she salivates profusely during the act.  Ball game with her wet tongue is an added bonus considering the exhausting difficulty level of this blowjob. Stop before she passes out due to exhaustion, else you’ll have agonizing difficulty extracting yourself out of her unconscious mouth.
• Time Duration: More than 10 minutes
• Pleasure: Good to very good
• Comfort: Good
• Orgasm intensity: Good to very good
• Female expertise: Exceptional

 8. The Acrobatic Blowjob

• Description: Works best with lightweight, skinny or petite chicks. Hold her upside down while thrusting in her mouth in the standing position or…
• …assume the above stance with you squatting on her face with her under you on the bed, facing away.  Lower your dick in her mouth and teasingly rub your nutsack on her nose for added tactile pleasure. Just don’t fart on her face (often an involuntary and uncontrollable reaction due to the intense tactile pleasure generated in that position), since this could disastrously make her swoon in the middle of the act, thus prematurely ending the experience (and possibly your relationship). A similar tragedy could occur if you lose your footing to end up crushing her face under your ass, especially if you’re overweight.
• Time Duration: More than 10 minutes
• Pleasure: Average to Very Good
• Comfort: Difficult while standing and can result in a debilitating back problem when attempted with the wrong (fat) woman.
• Orgasm intensity: Powerful especially if you’re squatting on her face
• Female expertise: Exceptional, to particularly handle involuntary farts

9. The Python Blowjob

• Description: Involves her slowly swallowing your dick inch by inch—very much like a python swallowing its prey—and vigorously massaging your dick with her tongue while you’re inside her profusely salivating mouth. When she slowly swallows your dick completely to reach its base, she then explores below by flickering her warm wet tongue on your nutsack, like a snake.
• Time Duration: More than 10 minutes
• Pleasure: EXTRAORDINARY
• Comfort:  Good to excellent
• Orgasm intensity: POWERFUL
• Female expertise: EXTRAORDINARY

10. The Porn Star’s Blowjob

• Description: A combination of three or more or all the above blowjobs, giving your girl full porn star skills. The KING of Blowjobs.
• Time Duration: More than 20 minutes
• Pleasure: EXCELLENT
• Comfort: A hassle free environment is essential for this one
• Orgasm intensity: SUPER POWERFUL
• Female expertise: EXTRAORDINARY