Want to drive him crazy? Want him to drive you crazy? Going south is a mainstay for some, a rare special occasion for others – but when you are at it, following the right steps can take it from hot to mind-blowing.
First of all, stop thinking of it as a job. Going down on your partner—or having them go down on you—can lead to the most explosive orgasms either of you have ever had. For many of us, there’s no bigger turn-on—or feeling of empowerment—than being solely in control of someone else’s pleasure. It can drive up the pleasure point if an act of foreplay, or be an incredibly fun main event—even better when the favor is returned!
It’s all about anticipation, says Jessica Drake, Director of Jessica Drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio. “When giving fellatio, always start slow and let your partner know its all for his benefit. In your own words, tell your man that it’s “blow job time” and you expect nothing in return. You can use this information to tease him with a suggestive text or phone call earlier in the day. Then when the time comes, use only your tongue. Don’t incorporate hands yet. Tease him into full arousal, and if he’s already aroused, make him want it even more,” says Drake.
1. First the basics:
Just like anything else, there’s some prep work that goes into giving a blowjob, says dating expert Laurel House. Have a lubricated mouth, in other words— you don’t want a dry mouth. Put your hair in a ponytail. Do not use your teeth, unless you are advanced and know what you’re doing. Protect your teeth with your lip by wrapping your lip over upper teeth as if you are mimicking a toothless person. Be aware that this can create cuts on your upper inner lip, but you’ll get used to it and build up the skin.
Be aware of your hair. When he’s going down on you, many guys prefer no hair down there at all. Some like a little tickle. Few (but still some) love a full on bush! Talk to your partner about what turns them on when it comes to how much hair you’ve got going on down there, says House.
2. Pay attention:
Oral sex is about asking your partner what they like and what feels good. “Some like teeth, some like all lips. Some like the top of the penis sucked. Some like the front. Some women like gentle stroking of their clitoris. Some like deeper rubbing,” says Dr. Alyse Kelly-Jones, of the Mintview OB/GYN practice in Charlotte NC. It’s all about finding out what makes your partner explode.
Compliment then direct, House suggests, is the best key for both parties. Is he going down on you and you like the motion, but he’s a few millimeters off the spot? Tell him that you love how it feels, and could he do it a little more to the left. As soon as he hits the spot, let him know with a moan and a “yes!” that he’s right on target!
3. Make them wait:
Let them know what you want to do. Later. Then make them wait, suggests Mona Darling, a Dominatrix Mommy Blogger and Women’s Sexual Wellness Consultant. Start at the top, work your way down, and passed your intended target. Sometimes we end up diving into oral sex, forgetting in our excitement, that anticipation can be an amazing aphrodisiac. The skin on the thighs, neck and nipples (or both men and women) can become intensely sensitive when sensually teased; making oral sex mind-blowing by the time you have built anticipation. Let them get close to orgasm, then back off. Repeatedly. Stop in the middle and do something else for a while. A little tease and denial can spice things up and make it even crazier when you get back to it. When you do finally give them that orgasm, it will be mind blowing. Especially, if they are worried you may stop again.
4. Perception is everything:
“As noted in my “Fellatio” installment of ‘Jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex,’ a man’s vantage point is very important,” says Drake. While every man may have his own special place, keep your location in mind. Position yourself to give him a blowjob in front of a mirror, or somewhere with at least with a partial view of a mirror, and give your man a whole new dimension. Be sure to wear something that shows cleavage and tie your hair into a ponytail to give him an unobstructed view of the action. That way he’ll retain all the excitement of getting a blowjob, plus he can watch it from different angles, Drake says.
5. Consider adding lube:
Lube makes oral sex hotter because you can slip, slide and suck your way into a greater variety of positions and techniques, says Astroglide’s Resident Sexologist, Dr. Jess. For example, if you like to get a tight grip while going down on your man, one of the best techniques involves clamping him between your teeth, but covering your upper teeth with your upper lip and your lower teeth with your tongue. Try it on your finger and you’ll see just how tight it is! But you’ll also notice that it can get raw because your upper lip provides no lubrication, so add a few drops of water-based lube to make his technique more pleasurable for both of you.
If you’re performing oral sex on a woman, lube is your best friend, says Dr. Jess. Add some slippery stuff to your fingers and combine them with your tongue so that it feels as though multiple tongues are licking all around her sweet spots.”
6. Be a tease:
Make it more tantalizing by starting off slow and maintaining a slow, steady build-up before picking up the tempo, says Dr. Jane Greer, New York-based marriage and sex therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. A slow start out of the gate is better for oral sex. Let your partner know you love their taste. “Let the recipient know that giving them pleasure turns you on – people can get uncomfortable and insecure that the person performing oral doesn’t really enjoying doing it,” says Greer. Let them know they can take as long as they need. In short, anything that eliminates feelings of being self-conscious or inhibited will make oral sex better. And remember, the outcome of oral sex doesn’t always have to be orgasm – it can be effectively used as foreplay as well.
7. Be a triple threat:
The best technique includes hand, mouth and tongue coordination, all rhythmically moving parts, kind of like simultaneously rubbing your stomach and tapping your head, says House. “You want your mouth slightly squeezing while going up and down along the shaft, your hand is wrapping his shaft and following your mouth up and down while adding a twist, and your tongue is rolling around his tip,” House says. For the more advanced, imagine you are playing an instrument and your fingers are opening and closing as they might on a harp; pinky to ring finger to middle finger to pointer, repeat. How tight you squeeze depends on how much pressure he enjoys. In general, men with larger penises like more pressure and men with smaller penises prefer less pressure.
8. Don’t forget about the balls:
Some men love to have their balls gently stroked, pulled, massaged, and sucked. Many of them have no idea how much they love it because no one has ever done it to them, says House. If you are very advanced, you can delicately use your teeth to pull their balls, too, adding additional sensation.
9. Be enthusiastic:
Let your man know that you enjoy giving him pleasure. “Make it obvious that you like what you’re doing. When he starts to cum, don’t stop, and if you don’t want to swallow, he will never know. Use your saliva and his cum to stroke him. Rub his cock with all your saliva and using both hands until he stops moving. Trust me, he’ll thank you later!” says Drake.
10. Make the decision to let go!
Is he going down on you? Once he has started, make the decision to enjoy it, suggests House. Sounds obvious, but so many women have a hard time truly letting go, making it so that it’s not as enjoyable for you, and kind of a waste for him. He WANTS to please you! Let him.