Orgasms shouldn’t be the goal of sex, but they sure are lots of fun!
There are plenty of ridiculous myths out there when it comes to women’s bodies and what happens to them during sex, including the recently studied notion that if a woman wants to know how to have an orgasm, all she needs to do is simply “shut off her brain.” Unfortunately for those touting this method, researchers at Rutgers University confirmed what most women could have told you all along.
No, the female brain does NOT literally shut itself down during a sexual climax.
If you think about this for any longer than approximately one second, you’ll probably get why. You see, in order to live, your brain has to be in the “on” position at all times. If you turn it off, you die. And while orgasms might be known as le petit mort (French for “the little death”), that’s only a figure of speech. You can have all of the orgasms your heart desires and you still won’t end up with brain damage, I promise.
Let’s be real. We live in a country that is just now coming to realize that most women experience some form of sexual abuse over the course of their lifetime. It shouldn’t be too surprising that we’re also a bit behind when it comes to scientific research around why women orgasm, why women don’t orgasm, and why every woman seems to have her own particular needs in regard to getting that job done.
With that in mind it shouldn’t be surprising that some people out there still take the advice that women should turn off our minds in order to hit our maximum “O” potential literally.
And on the flip side, there are also some tricks and techniques out there that might sound pretty darn weird to some of you but that can actually have a positive effect on women’s orgasms in ways you never expected.
To that end, here are five of the “weirdest” techniques for women wondering how to have better more frequent orgasms.
1. Text your partner sexy nothings in advance.
A recent study of 52,000 men and women found that women who report having intense orgasms most frequently are in the habit of regularly sending flirty and/or sexual text messages to their partner(s). Even better, the study found that the positive impact doubles if the women in question getting nasty via sexting about specific things they wanted their partner to do to them when they got together later.
So if you’re looking to add a boost to your sex life, get sexting! Science says your orgasm will thank you later.
2. Say those three little words.
“Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key,” said sex expert David Frederick in an interview with The Guardian. Shocking, right?
Yeah, we all know that talking to each other is essential to maintaining a relationship and building greater intimacy, but when it comes to making sure you have an orgasm during sex, trying specifically saying three little words.
Studies show that saying “I love you” while you’re getting busy in a Denny’s bathroom (or wherever, I don’t know your life) increase your chances of reaching that big finish exponentially.
3. Plump up your self-esteem.
It’s hard to be naked and not to pick your body to pieces. Thankfully, I mean this mostly figuratively, but still, it’s something NOT to do. If you struggle with confidence or self-esteem and just barely manage being nice to yourself on a regular basis, here’s some incentive to work on changing that.
A Finnish study released in 2016 found that women who like themselves and report higher levels of confidence and self-esteem also report having more orgasms than women who don’t.
So remember, you are the bomb-dot-com and it’s time you let your vagina know that you believe it!
4. Get focused on getting the job done before you start getting down.
If you’re reading this, it’s highly unlikely you’re one to assume that women’s orgasms just happen by accident. For most females, orgasms take a little work, even if you’re really turned on. And if you want to know what help you get there make a bit more easily, the study conducted in Finland also revealed that focusing on the act of sex itself is key.
Try taking a couple of mindful minutes to breathe and center yourself before you and your partner start in with the good stuff. When you’re in the right head space, the pleasure he gives you will be all the more enjoyable.
5. Check in on you’re feelings about the status of your relationship.
I’m not referring to whether or not you consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend, friends with benefits, or future life partners, but rather to your level of satisfaction with whatever it is the two of you currently have going on. According to those fine Finnish folks, people who feel the happiest within their relationships also who report having the best sex, including some seriously killer orgasms.
So if what you’ve got cooking romantically is lacking, you’ll need to work that out if having truly amazing orgasms is one of your life goals.