Usually, when it’s time to get frisky, we tend to get so excited that we just rush through the whole experience and be done in less than ten minutes.
Sometimes, the quick and dirty “Bham wham, thank you, ma’am” type of sex is hot and works wonders when you just want to release some tension.
But, if you’re looking to experience the most intense orgasms in your life and connect with your partner on a more intimate level, slow sex is exactly what you need.
So, What Exactly Is Slow Sex?
Slow sex is a very straightforward concept, and it means exactly what it sounds like. It’s all about slowing down during sex and focusing on truly experiencing all the sensations with your partner.
Slow sensual sex requires you to be mindful and aware of your and your partner’s actions, listen to your bodies and truly feel all the small pleasures without the rush to the big O.
Some people who love practicing truly deep, slow sex say that it can last from hours to literally days, building that sexual tension to later experience a mind-blowing release.
The roots of slow sex are in tantra and orgasmic meditation, but it’s less focused on the complexities of meditation and more on simply being present with your partner.
Why Bother With Slow Sex?
Reasons for trying slow sex will be different for many people.
Some might be looking for a way to be more intimate with their partners and want to connect with them more. Slow sensual sex can be a great way to do it, as most people feel like it’s more romantic than regular sex.
When you’re not focusing on reaching the big O as fast as you can, you also tend to relax more which can also increase the overall happiness in your life.
Stress is a libido-killer, but the hormones that your brain releases during sex help fight stress. Sometimes it might be hard to get into the right mindset for actual sex and truly enjoy it, so slow sex could be a great alternative here.
By getting into it slow, with lots of sensual touching and kissing, without the pressure to orgasm, you can get the pleasant release of happiness hormones which will help you relax.
Slow sex can also be a great way to bring in some fresh air into the bedroom. People tend to rush in life, dealing with work and personal life issues–it’s always about solving issues and moving on as quickly as possible on to the next thing.
Day-to-day sex with your partner can feel the same way, and after a while, you start looking for external ways of making it more stimulating and exciting.
Instead of focusing on different positions, sex games, and even changing partners, it’s worth giving deep, slow sex a try. Focusing on simple things and sensations can turn out to be as exciting as bringing in external stimulation into the bedroom.
Closing the Orgasm Gap
Another important reason to try slow sex in your routine is to help close the orgasm gap.
It’s common knowledge that men tend to orgasm more often during sex than women do. In fact, according to the research, 95% of heterosexual men orgasm during sex compared with 65% of heterosexual women.
The orgasm gap, or so-called “the pleasure gap,” shows that it usually takes around 5 minutes for men to orgasm but 15 minutes or more for women.
However, this phenomenon is alive only between heterosexual couples. When the researchers polled gay or lesbian relationships, the numbers are closer together–89% of gay men orgasm during sex, and even a whopping 86% of lesbian women orgasm during sex.
One of the reasons why the orgasm gap exists is the lack of foreplay during sex, and here is where slow sex comes into play.
During slow sex, you focus on different sensations and foreplay without getting the sexual release. This can help women get more aroused and reach the orgasm easier because the duration of sex is prolonged.
How To Incorporate Slow Sex Into Your Life
As you can see, slow sensual sex has many advantages and can tremendously improve your sex life and satisfaction.
If you’re curious and itching to try it with your partner, here are the best tips and things to try:
Start Before You Even Get to the Bedroom
Sex starts way before you get to bed and insert a penis into a vagina. It starts in your head when you decide that it’s time to get frisky, and a lot of tension can build way ahead of time before you even take off your clothes.
You can start by scheduling in the time for slow sex. It might not sound sexy right now, but when the time comes, people usually tend to rush things because they just don’t have enough time for sex.
Add time for slow sex to your calendar. Why? Because it will remind you that you do not have to rush or push yourself. Just as the name suggests, slow sex will provide you with an experience that will last, and last…
Also, you will have a reminder on your calendar for some sexy time, and you can steal away a minute or two from work, fantasizing in your head what you’ll be doing when the time comes for some sexy time with your partner.
Planning slow sex can add tension and anticipation–so, don’t knock it till you try it.
Change Your Mindset
The brain is the strongest sex organ we have. You can greatly improve your sexual experience if you focus on the right mindset.
That’s the whole point of deep, slow sex, really–changing your mindset to what sex is. It’s not about who’s the best or who’s going to get to the finish line faster, and honestly, it’s not even about getting to the finish line at all.
Try thinking about sex as your journey to pleasure, a way to be present and truly connect with your partner.
Yes, it’s not easy keeping your mind focused on the present 100% of the time. You might struggle with it at first and not feel so good. But you can practice, and it will become easier with time.
Slow sex has so much to offer. You just have to be willing to not be afraid to experiment.
There are plenty of great ways to enhance your foreplay and make it last longer. Longer slow foreplay just screams slow sex that will blow your mind.
During regular sex and the heat of the moment, we tend to sometimes skip through the foreplay and truly exploring the possibilities. You get so heated that you just want to get to it!
But slowing down and taking the time to kiss each other, caress, and explore each other’s bodies is a great way to enhance the pleasure.
Get naked with your partner. Skin-on-skin contact will make it more sparkly and intense. Lie down and let yourself get lost in the moment.
Run your fingers down your partner’s spine. Explore their body with your touch. Get to know parts of their body you usually don’t get to on a regular basis.
Here is where you can bring in ice cubes or feathers or silk scarfs to use on your partner to bring in different textures and sensations. It’s all about experimentation and making each other tingle with excitement and pleasure.
Another fantastic thing to explore during slow sex is edging or also known as orgasm control.
Bringing each other to the verge of orgasm and then backing down, again and again, will make you both so much more aroused each time. And when you finally reach the big O, your orgasms will be more intense.
It’s an activity that’s usually overlooked, because who has the time, right?
So, a slow sex session is the best way to try it out and see how much more intense it makes your orgasms.
Just don’t be naughty–it might be hard to keep yourself from cumming, when you’re excited and itching for a release. But don’t let yourself rush into orgasm before you got to experience everything slow sex has to offer.
Dry humping is when you grind your sexual parts on your partner’s body without penetration.
Don’t underestimate this activity, leaving it for teenagers only. It can be fun and very pleasurable and a part of your slow sex experiment.
You’re naked in bed, your bodies are tingling with the sensations, and your limbs are all tangled together. There will be times when you’ll want to pull your partner closer, press into them, and the action of rubbing yourselves together can add to the tension build-up.
Now, just like with any other activity of slow sex, the goal here is not to orgasm from humping each other, but rather to enhance the whole sexual experience and all the sensations roaming through your bodies.
Don’t Be Afraid To Be Vocal About Your Sensations
Moaning, groaning, whispering, and all the other sounds during slow sex can be a huge turn-on for your partner.
Here is the time to let your significant other how much you love them, how hot they are, and how much they turn you on. It’s the perfect time to connect with your partner and deepen your connection.
Not everyone is vocal during sex, and that’s OK.
But if you’re feeling like you’re exploding with sensation, don’t hold back the moans and groans. Your partner will appreciate it.
Incorporate Sex Toys
Sex toys are not meant only for private solo sessions. They can be great for occasional slow sex with your partner.
You can start practicing slow sex without any external stimulation. Once you get better at it and more experienced, you can improve the sessions by bringing in the toys.
Sex toys can really help with edging because sometimes fingers or your mouth just don’t do it. Or maybe sometimes you just want to switch things up.
SILA is perfect for the times when you want to pleasure your partner with a toy but don’t want something too intense that will bring them to the orgasm too quickly.
That’s not the point of slow sex after all!
This toy offers gentle sonic waves that will stimulate the clit and bring in mind-blowing sensations that are perfect for deep sensual sex.
You can also try incorporating some sex toys like handcuffs or blindfolds. They’re kinky but innocent enough to not scare your partner if you’re new to sexual experimentation and can make things more exciting.
After all, when you take away one of the senses, the others become more prominent, and it can be a whole new world of sensations to explore.