You swiped right. You matched. You want to have sex with this person. But what do you need to know up front? What insights can you glean from instant messaging that might be important? Below, we list five of what we think are important questions to ask before you hook up with a stranger to make sure the experience is as good as it can be. Let’s get stuck in.
What’s Your Living Situation?
There are sexier ways to ask this question than the way it’s framed above, but the point is this: you want a little information about whether they live alone or not. Say you message a 30-year-old guy that you like the looks of, and he doesn’t tell you he lives with his parents. That changes the complexion of the thing, right? But more importantly, it could mean that he can only meet at your place, which means letting a stranger into your private space, which might, understandably, make you uncomfortable. A reluctance to let you come to theirs opens up a related question…
Are You In A Relationship?
Whether this matters to you or not is beside the point: you deserve to know up front either way. Even in casual sex, it’s important that both partners are honest. If one of you is cheating, the dynamic breaks down, and you open yourself up to all manner of unwanted drama. (If your match tells you they’re single and invites you over, go check for things like an extra toothbrush in the bathroom. It’s a clue they’re lying to you just to get laid. It doesn’t matter how horny you are, you’re better than that.)
What Are You Into?
This is one of the most annoying questions to be asked, and you’ve probably ignored it a thousand times yourself. But it’s important to know a person’s preferences and kinks beforehand and this simple, if irritating, question can shed a lot of light on someone’s sexual character. For example, you match, you talk for a bit, the talk turns sexual, and you feel the time is right to ask, ‘what are you into?’ If the response is along the lines of ‘loads and loads of kinky sex LOL’ than you’ve got a loser on your hands. If the response is, ‘I’m generally dominant but can be flexible, I enjoy light BDSM and being teased,’ or something like that, then it might be worth pursuing if their interests align with yours.
Have you been checked recently?
Everybody says ‘yes’ to this STI-related question, which means most people are lying. Most guys, at least, will tell you they’re ‘clean’. There’s no real way to know, but at least if it turns out they were lying, you can hold them to account. This is also a good opportunity to let them know that you only practice safe sex. If they take issue with that, drop ‘em.
Do You Have A Safe Word?
This is essential even in more vanilla encounters. You always need an ‘out,’ a point at which you feel like you need to rescind the consent you offered, at any time. It works both ways, everyone having sex anywhere should have a safeword, the ability to tap out even if you don’t expect the sex to be particularly rough. Consent is the glue the keeps good sex together, and you need to feel free to withdraw consent. Similarly, you need to respect other people’s safewords – it’s completely reciprocal and without this veto power, sex just isn’t sex anymore.
Did we miss any? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!