Judgment-free zone here: Did you have as much sex in 2014 as you would have liked?
For most men, the answer is usually an resounding “no” — regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or if you’re single. In fact, according to Kinsey Research, 23% of non-married men reported never having sex in the past year, 25% said it was only a few times, 26% say in the past month, while only 19% claimed two to three times a week, and a very low 7% said more than four times a week.
While Kinsey also says that 18- to 29-year-olds have sex an average of 112 times a year and 30- to 39-year-olds only get up to 86 — it doesn’t matter how much sex you should be having, it’s how much you’d like to be having.
So you might be thinking about cutting back on the booze for your New Year’s resolution or to get that promotion you’ve been eyeing for months — but here’s another check-box to add to your wishlist for 2015: more, more, more sex!
How To Break A Dry Spell
If 2014 was a great year, minus the fact that you didn’t get laid as often as you’d like, try your best not to lower your standards and just to do the dirty, sex therapist Vanessa Marin warns. She says having bad sex can actually make the dry spell worse, and make your craving for it only intensify. The same goes for sleeping with an ex just for the orgasm — emotionally, it won’t get you out of the lonely feelings you’re experiencing.
So how do you keep your hopes — and your member — high? “Decide to stay in ‘the game’ even when you aren’t getting laid. Make an effort to go out and meet new people,” sex therapist and author, Dr. Kat Van Kirk says. “The main thing is to not fall into desperation mode. It’s not good for your self-esteem and it certainly won’t attract the type of person that you would probably want to sleep with. The more confidence you have in yourself, the more likely you are to break the dry spell.”
What Should You Aim For?
The amount of sex that men need is very dependent on the individual, but the most important thing to do when you’re looking for more booty is to keep your equipment healthy. “If you aren’t having sex at least a few times per month, you should at least be masturbating on a regular basis,” Dr. Kirk says. “There is something to the old adage of ‘you don’t use it, you lose it.’” Another thing to stay away from is comparing yourselves to the guys — especially when you never know who is telling the truth or not. Your buddy with the hot girlfriend might actually be a wet fish in bed, and that crazy, awesome oral sex and intercourse he’s claiming they’re having — might not actually be the case. Marin says, “It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, but what works for one person’s sex life doesn’t always work for another’s.”
Consider What You Want
One of the big reasons that men have a hard time wooing the ladies into the bedroom is because they send mixed signals. If you want to have more sex in 2015, take some time to do a little soul searching and figure out what you’re looking for: just sex? Love? A relationship? When a girl feels comfortable around you and safe, she’s more likely to want to have sex, but also, likely want to something more too.
Experts suggest to really go after relationships, as opposed to one-night stands. Even if you’re not ready to settle down, being in a short-term relationship (that yes, could lead to something more serious) will create better sexual experiences than random hook-ups after a night out on the bar (we all know that whiskey dick is definitely a real thing!). While it’s probably more work to actually date than to hit on girls at your neighborhood pub, putting the extra effort will get you laid more — almost guaranteed.