A good ass in a decent pair of denims! The power to carry an clever dialog! Fellating a popsicle prefer it’s a penis! All three are virtually assured to show any man on, however they’re additionally type of, I don’t know, apparent. Then I learn an article over at MadeMan itemizing the ten Shocking Flip-Ons For Ladies; I agreed with some — consuming wine and with the ability to interact in slightly pleasant smack speak– whereas others I used to be sort of meh on. I imply, V-neck sweaters are okay, however the one “chick flick” I genuinely recognize a man liking is “Worry” and that’s as a result of “Worry” is superior. Anyway, this listing did encourage me to unearth the identical scientifically confirmed flip-ons for males for the good thing about the sisterhood. In any case, males are each exceedingly complicated and irritatingly simplistic creatures, so it makes complete sense that the next 10 surprisingly on a regular basis issues are the flip-ons that basically work.
1. Downloading from torrent web sites. Not that I’m encouraging unlawful downloading or something, ahem, however there was a time once I was on the flawed aspect of the regulation and downloaded all my music and films from torrent websites. Torrent websites are perfect for downloading giant information — I gained’t get into the tech mumbo-jumbo, however principally, inform a dude you employ them and his eyes will mild up like a Christmas tree. I’ve had not one, not two, however three dudes instantly say, ‘Wow. That’s scorching,” once I dropped this information.
2. Being useful with a screwdriver or drill or another software. There’s one thing a few lady who can dismantle her personal vacuum cleaner and may determine a jig noticed that makes a fella sprout wooden. Main bonus factors for those who additionally assembled your whole Ikea and West Elm furnishings by your self.
three. Cooking pork loin. Nicely, not essentially pork loin and never essentially cooking it for him. However with the ability to say, “Oh yeah, I made roasted pork loin [or Beef Wellington or whatever] for Christmas dinner — it got here out fairly superior,” makes him assume, Mmm, I really like pork loin. Pork loin good. How do I get nearer to this chick’s pork loin? After which BAM! His meals boner turns into an actual boner. I’ve gotten laid extra ever since I actually discovered my method across the kitchen and I don’t even need to prepare dinner for a dude to have him be turned on by the truth that I can prepare dinner.
four. Doing yoga. Even when the man would by no means do yoga himself as a result of he doesn’t assume it’s “actual” bodily health, understanding you’re versatile will get him occupied with all types of positions he might put you in. Do a again-bend at a bar and watch the lads come a-runnin’. (I’m solely sort of kidding.) Equally, although I’m not a runner, I’ve heard from associates who’ve run half or full marathons that males are all the time impressed by that info. Setting and undertaking a aim is attractive, particularly one which requires so much of stamina.
5. Being an excellent driver. I don’t imply driving like my mother and all the time utilizing your blinker and staying inside the velocity restrict, both. No, a lady who drives quick and aggressively is displaying she’s each competent and a problem. He might even need you to take the wheel in different methods. Bonus factors to the lady who can drive a stick shift.
6. Quoting random track lyrics in on a regular basis dialog. A good friend of mine landed her final boyfriend — an enormous hip-hop fan — when she informed him, “I want my third eye poked,” referencing a lyric from a Widespread track. This works simply as nicely with a hipster, punk rock fanatic, or a fan of basic rock, and if the lyric is comparatively obscure — i.e., NOT “Child, I’ll be your free chook” — even higher.
7. Sporting white cotton underwear. Not on a regular basis or something, as a result of then its virginal luster turns into too commonplace, however each as soon as and awhile shall be a pleasing shock to behold. A man good friend of mine advised me that white underwear has that harmless, “not meant to be seen by others” attract. No matter. That is nice information for ladies in relationships who can spice issues up by splurging on a three-pack of Hanes slightly than some ridiculous get-up at Victoria’s Secret. And it’s even higher information for single women like myself who hate doing laundry and ran out of unpolluted lacy thongs 5 days in the past and “Whoops!” have a date tonight.
eight. Understanding your brown liquor. Are you able to clarify the distinction between bourbon, whiskey, and scotch? Do you drink one or all the above, though having a choice is most fascinating? Do you could have a prime-shelf bottle in your liquor cupboard (when you’ve got a liquor cupboard)? If the reply is sure to all of those extremely essential questions, you’re in all probability getting extra ass than Gene Simmons. Respect!
9. Not sporting a bra. All the higher to see your tits jiggle, my pricey. Figuring out there’s much less material between you and complete boob publicity titillates his creativeness. Bonus factors for a subtly arduous nipple.
10. Making soiled jokes. A lady ought to have no less than one nasty joke in her repertoire. In school, I had many, however my private fave — and the one which labored each time — was the next:
Q: How do you make Martha Stewart scream twice?
A: You fuck her within the ass after which wipe your dick on her curtains.
I’m not saying it’s the funniest joke on the earth (though, sorry, however I feel it’s nice), however it’s all within the supply. Emphasize “fuck,” “ass,” and “dick,” with a straight face, whereas making eye contact. Attempt it. If it doesn’t have the dude taking a look at you with an arousing appreciation, I’ll eat my shoe.