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A certain woman has been on your mind for quite some time. With a personality and body that make you lose focus, she is your ideal partner. Or so you think. The problem is that her former boyfriend and your best friend are the same person. So what on earth do you do? There are many factors to consider before you even begin to fathom a relationship with her.
your relationship with your friend
Some men form a bond based on trust and mutual respect. If that is the case with you and your best friend, you may want to step off and look for another woman. If the friendship has endured since grade school, for example, why would you risk it over a woman?
No matter how good she is, she cannot replace what you have with your best friend. The sex is not worth it alone, nor is the emotional investment. A best friend is a precious commodity that will endure a lifetime, provided you do not sleep with a woman he once cared about.
There is another type of best friend that men have, of course. That would be the fun but sick and depraved kind. The one who you would team up with for a three-way or compare a sexual conquest with. Could he be the same best friend as above? Perhaps, but the chances are slim. Because the same best friend is also the kind who would be open to the prospect of you and his ex as an item.
The fact of the matter is that some men have a wolf pack mentality on the subject of women. We want our pack to score often and revel in the unspoken endorphin rush we receive when we date (and sleep with) the same woman. I equate the misunderstood phenomenon to an episode of good fortune passed on to your best friend. You got some, so you want the pack to get some as well.
But some men do not like to “share.” And when genuine emotion is at play, the situation could become complicated.
your relationship with his ex
To determine the nature of his relationship with his ex, you have to be an expert judge of character. The stereotype of man as defective communicator is often accurate. Even our best friend may not be aware of how we feel about our ex. If you suspect that to be the case, you should play archaeologist and dig for information. Did the relationship end on a sour note? Who left whom? Did he love her or was she a mild interest that he had to gratify? Better yet, does he respect her?
You know how some men are — all dog and player. I suspect that type may not have a problem with your affection for his ex. But then again, his real nature could emerge if you make a move and he could become possessive and resentful.
how long since the break?
Even if your best friend had a close bond with his ex, there is still hope for you. The more time that has passed, the less painful and more palatable it will be for him to deal with your interest in her. If they broke up last week and you want to make a big move today, you could be in for it. But then again, if he discarded her and has another woman on his mind, you could be free and clear.
Time is a subjective thing. Some men have a one-year rule with their best friend. Some place a five-year moratorium on dating an ex. And then you have the group of men for whom the subject is taboo. They adhere to a strict code of honor set in stone: no matter the circumstance, an ex is never to enter the radar screen. Hardcore but definitive and effective for some men.
Why should it be a taboo subject?