A reader has asked our Coleen for advice as she’s worried she will drift back to her former partner even though he would disappear on her for days
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After 10 years of being with my boyfriend, I finally found the courage to leave him. It was a very stressful relationship and a roller-coaster ride.
He was either very up or very down and his mood swings were really beginning to affect my mental health.
I was constantly walking on eggshells around him and trying to predict what mood he was in.
He was never aggressive and a lot of the time he was very charming and exciting – really good fun to be around.
However, when he was in a dark mood, he wouldn’t talk to me for days or he’d disappear partying for a few nights. I couldn’t take it any more.
My problem now is that I still miss him and think there must be something wrong with me for feeling like this because I know I wasn’t happy in the relationship.
But when things were good, he was the most interesting and fun person to be around – there was never a dull moment in our lives.
He still gets in touch and I know it’s just a matter of time before I give in and agree to see him.
What’s wrong with me and what should I do?
There’s nothing wrong with you – 10years is a long time to be with someone and you can’t expect to just forget everything about them. It takes time and you’re still in the “better the devil you know” stage.
Unfortunately, the things you forget first are the bad bits, so you’re still focusing on all the great times.
You have to consciously remind yourself how he made you feel, to the point where you had to leave.
During lockdown, you haven’t had much opportunity to go out and meet other people and flirt, so it’s understandable you feel that panic about being on your own.
You just have to remember how unhappy you were and how much more calm and relaxing life is now.
Yes, he was great sometimes, but a lot of the time he wasn’t and that’s what you’d be going back into – dealing with the mood swings because it’s very unlikely he’s changed.
Of course it’s lovely to speak to him now because you’re not in a relationship with him.
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