Coleen lends a friendly ear to a woman concerned that her 29-year-old boyfriend will finally decide he is ready to settle down when she can no longer conceive
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I know you get a few letters about age-gap relationship issues, so here’s mine. I’m 39 and my boyfriend is 29, so quite a bit age difference.
In addition, he’s quite immature for his age – he still loves partying with his mates (even though not much of that has been going on recently) and he’s about as far away from “settling down” as it’s possible to get.
But – and it’s a big but – he’s absolutely fantastic in every other way. He’s funny, handsome, the life and soul of every party and also just an all-round good egg.
We get on so well and have so much fun together, but whenever the conversation turns to “the future” he makes it clear he’s just happy to coast along and enjoy life.
I, on the other hand, need to be more realistic about things because I haven’t closed the door on having kids and I’d like to get married. And I need to do this stuff a lot quicker than he does.
I’m driving myself mad, thinking about this and it keeps me up at night. I’d love any advice you can give.
I feel for you – you have this great relationship, but while your biological clock is ticking, yet he’s happy to live in the moment. Your heart is saying, “I’m happy. Stay with this guy”, while your head is saying, “Be sensible and move on”.
I think if neither of you is willing to compromise on what you want from the relationship, then it’s going to be hard to maintain.
If you give up your dreams of having a baby to stay with him, then you’ll end up resenting it.
What if you stay with him for another few years, hoping he’ll change his mind, and then you break up? You’ll end up hating yourself!
If you want marriage and, especially if you want a family, then you have to get serious. It’s not too late to create the life you want, but you have to act now and make some tough calls.
Have a serious conversation with him and tell him you’re not willing to compromise your chance of being a mum and see where that leaves you.
If he’s not ready to make a proper commitment to you now, then I think you know your answer. Good luck.