I’ve begged him to stay. We have an 18-month-old son, how can I let him go?
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Last week, my husband dropped a devastating bombshell – he admitted he’d been having an affair and that he was in love with the other woman.
He assured me he hadn’t been seeing her during lockdown, but that it had become hard being apart from her, so he felt he had to tell me. That was considerate of him! Oh, and he said he still wants us to be friends.
We’ve been together for five years and have a son, who’s 18 months old. I still love my husband, despite how hurt and betrayed I feel, and really don’t want my marriage to end.
I don’t know this woman – apparently she’s someone he works with, which is an embarrassing cliche. I had no idea, it’s shocked me to my core.
I’ve begged him to end the affair, so we can try to work things out, but he insists he’s in love with her, which is the worst bit of it all – it’s not just sex. That would be bad enough, but this feels like a dagger in the heart.
Can I wait this out and hope he realises he wants to be with me? I feel like my life is crumbling around me.
I think this kind of emotional betrayal wounds very deeply and my heart goes out to you. I don’t think begging or pleading will have any effect or make him change his mind.
A lot of people might not agree with what I’m going to suggest and it’s hard to do but, while you’re together during lockdown, I would do the opposite of what he’s expecting.
I would dig deep and be really strong (even if you don’t feel it), carry on being a great mum to your son. But make it clear that after lockdown, while you won’t stop him seeing his son, you won’t be able to be friends with him for some time.
And, after lockdown, when he’s got to move his stuff out and you start to consult lawyers, maybe it’ll feel real to him and he might feel differently.
Just don’t pin your hopes on it because you might be bitterly disappointed and hurt all over again. And if you did decide to stay together, I think counselling would be a good idea.
You’ve been honest about wanting your marriage to work, but ask yourself why you’re trying to convince him to stay when he can throw away what you have. Could you ever trust him again?