I want to talk to my son, but worry he’ll think I’m intruding on something that doesn’t concern me
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A few days ago my son’s wife confided in me that things weren’t going well in their marriage, specifically that they hadn’t made love in a long time.
They’re both in their early 40s and don’t have any children. She says every time she’s initiated sex, he pulls away and says he’s not in the mood, leaving her feeling unloved and unattractive.
It’s so sad because they are such a great couple in every other way.
I also worry because my daughter-in-law is such a beautiful, confident woman and I’m in no doubt that it would be easy for her to find another partner. I know she doesn’t want this, though – she wants to work things out with my son.
The long and short of it is, I don’t know how to help them. I want to talk to my son, but worry he’ll think I’m intruding on something that doesn’t concern me – plus how do I bring up sex with him?
Also, I wouldn’t want to break her confidence or for him to think we’d been talking about him behind his back.
Have you any ideas on how I can help?
They’ve created such a nice life together and I would be heartbroken if they split up, not least because I think of my daughter-in-law as my own.
Well, you wouldn’t be breaking your daughter-in-law’s confidence by asking your son how they’re coping in lockdown. But, if you feel better about it, you could ask her permission to talk to him.
And you don’t have to talk about sex – you could simply say that you sometimes worry he’s not completely happy and hope that he’d either confide in you or reach out to someone else if he had any worries.
There could be many reasons why he’s stopped being interested in sex, but only he has the answer.
Stress or depression can affect sex drive, or it may be something to do with the relationship that he’s not ready to admit to himself or anyone else.
But I would recommend your daughter-in-law keeps talking to your son to encourage him to open up to her and be honest. She can reassure him that she loves him and wants their marriage to work, so it’s important not to ignore the elephant in the room, which is that sex has disappeared from the agenda.