If you’re one of the many people now living that Zoom life while we’re all socially-distancing and isolating, you’re probably no stranger to the big, wide world of Zoom waiting rooms, audio/screen lag, and backgrounds. Along with the shininess of our new greenscreen lives however, comes the potential for major trouble. With that, here’s a v. special edition of Cosmo Confessions: Zoom edition!
1. “I pretended my WiFi cut out so that I could leave the video chat and dial in via phone call instead. This way, I could vape in secrecy (the call was scheduled for 2.5 hours). My coworker totally knew something was up and kept asking me about that weird crackling sound my vape was making. I said it was static. “—Morgan*, 26
2. “I haven’t been wearing pants throughout the day. Instead I wear a button down top to look ‘professional’ and then only my cheeky underwear. It’s honestly a power play and I highly recommend doing it, incredibly empowering. HOWEVER, I had to get up in the middle of the meeting to grab something down on the ground —which I thought was out of view, but NOPE. My whole team got a nice view of my ass as I bent down to grab the reference book.“—Marina, 26
3. “I don’t know how none of my coworkers haven’t noticed yet, but I’m literally never wearing pants. Like ever. Admittedly, I haven’t worn pants since March 11th. Except for one pair of sweatpants that I put on for grocery store runs and then immediately wash.”—Maxwell, 29
4.“I’ve been using Zoom for over three years now, but my most embarrassing moment happened back before Zoom would warn you before letting you into a room with your camera on. I was waiting in the Zoom lobby; before a client call with a relatively new client. My cats were not getting along and trying to start a fight. I was full on lecturing my cats, saying stuff like, ‘That is disrespectful. You’re cute but you’re so rude. You’re being a very bad cat right now, and I do not appreciate your cattitude.’ hoping they would cut it out before my important call. Turns out, Zoom had let me in the call already, and the clients where there. And yes, my camera was on. We all laughed about it, but I was red and sweaty for like 30 minutes afterwards.”—Deya, 24
5. “I prop my phone up against my laptop screen so I can do shit on my phone. It looks like I’m paying attention, when I’m actually getting read for filth on The Pattern.“—Olivia, 22
6. “Last week I had a call with a big client who had multiple people on the call. The night before I did a Zoom meet-up with friends and we were changing our backgrounds to different things. Little did I know that when you change your background on Zoom for one call, it stays that way until you change it back. I started my call with our client and didn’t pay attention to my video, (I had multiple webpages I was flipping through.) I thought the call was going well, we got about two minutes in, until someone asked who was on my video. Confused, I quickly switched back to Zoom and saw HARRY STYLES as my background. My green screen effect didn’t work correctly so you could barely even see me. Embarrassed, I started to apologize and I had to explain to my client and their entire marketing team my crush on Harry Styles.”—Erin, 22
7. ” I definitely peed on a call last week. Video was off but audio was on. The meeting was recorded.“—Maggie*, 27
8. “My business partner and I were on a Zoom call with our group made up of 70% men, with the video turned off. I was streaming off my Microsoft Surface Pro and it fell backwards, and somehow, the video must’ve turned on accidentally. I was picking at my toe nails and chipping paint off when we received a private message from someone that we needed to turn our video off. Naturally, we couldn’t even pay attention for the rest of the meeting as we were both sick to our stomach with embarrassment. Needless to say, I’m very cautious of what I am doing on the other side of a Zoom call even if the video is turned off.”—Brook, 35
9.“Early on in the quarantine, my company put a ‘happy hour’ on the calendar. At noon. I was the only one who didn’t realize that in this case, ‘happy hour’ meant a time to catch up —not a time to drink. I was the only one who came with a margarita —which totally made me look like I was drinking on the job. The worst part? After my mishap, our boss changed the name of our catch ups from ‘happy hour’ to ‘team lunch.’ Oops!”—Abby, 24
10. “I had an early morning, three- hour philosophy class and I was not feeling it at all. I got up straight out of bed and turned on Zoom but kept the video and mic turned off. The first two hours I paid attention, but after that I couldn’t focus at all. I decided to lay down on my bed and next thing I know I had dozed off. I woke up twenty minutes later to everyone saying bye and thank you to the teacher. Still feeling guilty about it. —Annie*, 23
11. “We had our first exam for class today and I overestimated my ability to effectively take an exam while being watched through my webcam by not only my professor, but my whole class. I ran out of time, was distracted by my dog trying to attack my cat, was interrupted by my mom asking me if I wanted a cup of coffee, and was crying by the end of it.“—Daniella, 22
Quotes have been lightly edited for clarity and length.