All The Turn-Offs Women Wish Men Knew, Revealed
Women are used to being told what men find attractive. Every second article in most women’s magazines is a list of things to avoid wearing or doing because men don’t find it arousing, repeated so often that most of us can list them off from memory: Don’t wear red lipstick, hats or wedges; don’t be a starfish in the bedroom who never initiates sex; and don’t nag or be too clingy.
Rarely is the reverse true. Sure, there is the occasional article about what women want and what we hate, but it isn’t hammered into men to the same degree, and women are starting to notice the disparity:
i wish men’s magazines would run articles about women’s biggest turnoffs with as much regularity as women’s mags tell u what men don’t like
— topical tweet queen (@priya_ebooks) May 27, 2015
So in the interests of fairness, and for the sake of helping men who date women get an idea about where they might be going wrong, I put the question to my Twitter followers, and – lo and behold! – women began spilling their biggest turnoffs with abandon. Here are the top 20:
1. You Have Long, Dirty Or Unkempt Fingernails
This one comes up so often it’s worth keeping at the front of your mind: Dirty or uncared-for nails are an instant, stomach-turning turn-off for large swaths of women, especially if you’re trying to put those nails near our bodies. Take care of your hands!
2. You’re Rude To Waiters Or Other Service Workers
Rudeness is a turn-off, for both genders, period. It can, however, take a while for people’s true colours to start peeping through, and so women are paying close attention to how you treat people who serve you for clues about how you might treat us further down the line.
3. You Have Bad Shoes
What counts as a bad shoe is clearly subjective, but one thing’s for sure: women are looking at your shoes. If you’ve put effort into the rest of your outfit but none into those things that cover your feet, your prospective love interests are likely to be marking you down.
RELATED: What Women Really Want From Men
4. You Tune Out While She’s Speaking
It’s the ultimate sign of disrespect if you can’t be bothered listening to a person when they’re speaking. It’s doubly insulting to get that treatment from a man you’re dating; someone who’s presumably meant to support and care about you. Mark my words, fellas: Men who don’t listen don’t last long.
5. You Don’t Use Deodorant
This is a personal hygiene matter that women take issue with on a mass scale. It shouldn’t come as a big surprise, but if you are reeking of B.O., women won’t exactly flock to you. Deodorant is a must.
6. You’re Selfish
Whether it’s ignoring our pleasure in the bedroom or turning a blind eye our needs outside of it, selfish men are, without exception, incredibly unappealing to women.
7. You’re Hard To Read During Sex
This is basically the male equivalent of a women who’s a starfish in the bedroom. It’s hard to know if you’re pleasing someone in bed if they give you no visual or verbal feedback, and women consistently report this as a bedroom-based turn-off. Please, guys, show us a little appreciation – or if things aren’t working out, at least tell us where we’re going wrong!
8. You Tell Her She’s “Not Like Other Girls”
We get that this one’s meant to be a compliment, but dude, what the hell?! All this sounds like to us is, “I have a low opinion of women in general, but I’ve decided that you’re a special snowflake. Please enjoy this high praise.” It’s not a compliment to be told we’re not like other girls, because there’s nothing wrong with being a girl, and – surprise! – the vast majority of girls actually like each other.
9. You Constantly Interrupt Her
C’mon, my guy: Can we at least finish our line of thought before you steamroll over us?
10. You Refer To Women As “Females”
This is a popular peeve: We’re human women, not antelopes, and “female” is an adjective, not a noun. It’s a really simple fix – just call us “women.”
11. You Tell Her To “Lighten Up” When Your Friends Say Bigoted Things
This one comes up aplenty, and the casual use of slurs against people of colour, women or LGBTQ people ranks as equally unimpressive. If you’re behaving like a bigot then we don’t need to lighten up; in fact, it’s a hint that you and your friends need to grow up and exercise some restraint. Bonus turnoff points: You don’t call out your friends for their misogyny when they demonstrate it, but try to placate us behind the scenes. Nice try!
12. You’re Always Late
This one’s basic courtesy: If you say you’ll be at a place at a time, be at that place at that time. Simple. If you’re repeatedly late, it starts feeling like you just don’t care.
13. You Ignore Her Jokes
Settle this one for me, gentlemen: why does so much of our excellent humour fly over your heads? Have you so deeply internalised the myth that women aren’t funny that you can’t recognise a good joke when you see one? That sounds boring!
14. You Have A Pubey Beard
If it’s not happening, it’s not happening. Not every guy needs to have a beard – move on!
15. You’re Snobby About Pop Culture
We’re all deeply sorry that you can’t let the joys of Fetty Wap and Nicki Minaj into your life, but please don’t rain on our parades, especially out of a misguided sense that it makes you better than us.
16. You Assume Sex Is Over After You Come
Let me put blaring red sirens around this one: This kind of clueless selfishness in the bedroom is a Very Bad Look. Your relationship isn’t a porn clip, so don’t act like you’re in one.
17. You Always Have To Have The Last Word
This is your standard old obnoxious, woman-repelling behaviour. The universe won’t cave in if you give us the final say, guys, and insisting on winning every argument might mean you lose the bigger prize: the woman of your dreams.
18. You Lose Your Cool If She So Much As Glances At Another Guy
The stereotype is that women get sour when we see the men we’re with checking out other women, but men do this too, and women are reporting loud and clear that men can be petulant, jealous babies about it. It’s stifling and puts too much pressure on the relationship, especially early on, so give this one a miss if you can.
19. You Wear Dirty Or Ill-Fitting Clothes
Again, this is basic stuff, but it comes up so often. Guys: wash your clothes! Buy some that fit! Rinse and repeat!
20. You Give Weird Names To Her Vagina
“Love tunnel”? “Cookie”? NO THANK YOU, SIR, WE’RE GROWN.
If you were paying attention, you might have noticed that some things come up a lot: It turns out being nice to her, being nice to others and taking care of yourself and your appearance are huge turn-ons for women, and failing to do so could be the reason you’ve been having trouble in the dating game.