When A Mate’s Being Cheated On
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Cheating is one of those subjects on which we’re all supposedly experts. Each of us thinks he knows why people cheat, what type of person gets cheated on and how to handle cheaters once they’re caught. We think we know all of these things, at least until we find ourselves confronted by an infidelity scenario that is decidedly not hypothetical. When a mate cheats or is being cheated on, things get cloudier, murkier and more complicated. When people you actually know are the ones doing the cheating or being betrayed, your opinions on cheating are challenged. Do you report your mate’s indiscretions to his significant other? Do you clam up or lie to protect him out of a sense of loyalty? What about if you spot a mate’s girlfriend cheating? How do you break the news? What are you supposed to say? For answers to these and other questions, read on.
when a mate cheats
Don’t rat him out
Ratting out your buddy when he cheats is pretty sketchy. Even though what he did was wrong, and even though he probably deserves to suffer the consequences for his boneheaded behaviour (is there a pun there?) you don’t want to take matters into your own hands. Nobody likes a tattletale. And while you don’t want to help him cover up his indiscretion, you don’t necessarily want to be the one to shine the light on his dirty little secret either. Grassing up your mate is a good way to lose a friend.
That said; there are a few circumstances in which this rule does not apply. If your mate is dating a member of your family, or if you are closer to his significant other than you are to him, you should feel obligated to expose his actions.
When a mate cheats, instead of grassing him up, you should confront him about his shady behaviour. Let him know you think it’s uncool, and encourage him to resolve the situation either by ending his relationship or by coming clean to his significant other. Address the issue man-to-man rather than handling matters behind his back. Good friends are able to level with each other, and call one another on poor decisions and bad behaviour. Tell him what’s what and he’ll appreciate your candour.
Keep it to yourself
Once you’ve talked things over with your cheating friend, you’ve done your part. When a mate cheats it’s better for everyone involved — you, him, his girlfriend, the other woman — if you keep it to yourself. So don’t talk about it with other friends. Don’t ask your sister for advice.
Just shut up. If word gets out, you’ll inevitably be identified as the source of the leak, and suddenly all the consequences of your mate’s infidelity are now your fault.
There are a few more things you have to keep in mind when a mate cheats or is cheated on…