Having a baby didn’t change anything and we’re planning to split up early next year, but both our mothers got quite angry – a mum asks agony aunt Coleen Nolan for advice
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I’m a woman in my thirties and my husband and I had a baby a year ago. Sadly, we’ve decided to separate and have started making plans for this to take place in the New Year.
It’s a mutual decision and we’re both OK with it, even though we’re naturally sad and disappointed. We know it’s the right move for both of us, though.
We’d been talking about it before I discovered I was pregnant, which made us rethink things a bit and we decided to see how it went once the baby came along.
It didn’t change anything though – if anything it’s just made us more determined to go our separate ways.
The problem is, our families are beyond devastated. Both our mothers cried when we told them and were also quite angry with us.
They think it’s madness to separate when our son is just a year old and keep telling us of the damage it’ll cause him, trying to guilt us into staying in the marriage.
We really need them to be on board with this, but despite reassuring them that we’ll both still be there for our son, they cannot see our point of view.
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You’ve made your decision, which I’m sure wasn’t easy, and now you just have to keep going along that path.
Yes, it would be a lot better if your families were being more supportive, but I think they will come round, especially when they see that you’re both being sensible and can work things out so your son is happy and gets to see both sides of his family.
I’m sure your families are just sad – for you and themselves, which is understandable. And maybe they’re even worried about what this is going to mean for them in terms of seeing their grandson in the future.
It might help to reassure them about how it’s all going to work and that you’d welcome their support with your son. I imagine as single parents, you’ll need your families more than ever.
I also think once you actually separate and your parents can see that the world hasn’t caved in and that things aren’t that different than they were before, they’ll calm down.
Tell them you need their support more than ever and remind them that you and your partner still care for one another and are determined to work together to be good co-parents.