Shay Neary describes herself as “a plus-size trans model, fat activist, intersectional feminist, and all-around fabulous bitch.” Here, as part of our Let’s (Actually) Talk About (Actual) Sex series, she opens up about how her experiences have affected—and enhanced—her sex life.
Sex is: “Sex is the ultimate connection with yourself or with someone else. A connection with your mentality and physicality. It can be mechanical or it can be intimate. Or it can be personal. Sex is powerful and it’s your decision and consent is extremely important.”
Love is: “Love is a witness. Love is a witness to yourself, to love yourself freely, to witness your own beauty and authenticity. Love is a witness to your life, someone to tell your story when you’re not around. Love is the ultimate connection with the mind and the spirit to separate you mentally to be happy, to create some form of second spirituality in a sense. To diminish any form of discouragement or anything you went through. Love is a witness.”
I feel sexiest when: “I feel sexiest when I am natural. When I’m authentic, when I have nothing on. No makeup, freshly showered, seeing my body in the mirror, my stretch marks, my shape, my form. Seeing who I am, seeing who I’ve become. It’s an experience I can’t explain in words.”
My favorite part of my body is: “My favorite part of my body is probably my legs. No, actually that’s a lie. My favorite part of my body is my smile and to know what pain is behind my smile and how I got to have it. That’s the most beautiful part about me.”
I was raised to believe that sex was: “I was raised to believe that sex was between a man and a woman. I was raised to believe that sex was for marriage. I was raised to believe that sex wasn’t meant for pleasure, it was meant for procreation. I was raised that sex is not something that you personally have to experience, but you have to experience it for someone else. And none of that is true.”
We need to keep ____ out of the bedroom: “Bigotry. Ignorance – actually, no. Ignorance is okay in the bedroom. It’s okay to not be aware as long as you’re open. Close-mindedness should be entirely out of the bedroom. And faking it. Like, be authentic in the bed, be real. Don’t be someone you’re not.”