If you’re planning on ever having sex again, you might not want to read this.
Warning: Before you get hot and heavy, you’ll want to read this
What do we mean by dangerous? Two words: Fractured. Penis.
Scientists in Brazil conducted a study into the causes and symptoms of having a fractured penis.
The results were published in Advances in Urology – and they don’t make for pretty reading.
So, what IS the most penis-endangering position?
If you’re in the throes of passion and fancy giving the ‘cowgirl’ or ‘reverse cowgirl’ a go, TAKE CARE.
Emergency records at hospitals in Brazil showed that those more adventurous positions are responsible for half of all penile fractures.
is the potentially riskiest sexual position related to penile fracture.
“Our hypothesis is that when woman is on top she usually controls the movement with her entire body weight landing on the erect penis, not being able to interrupt it when the penis suffers a wrong way penetration, because the harm is usually minor in woman with no pain but major in the penis.
“On the contrary, when the man is controlling the movement, he has better chances of stopping the penetration energy in response to the pain related to the penis harm, minimising it.”
Penile fracture: Yes, that is a real thing
Is a penile fracture all that bad though?
Well, for one thing, there’s the pain. LOTS OF PAIN . But also some other alarming symptoms.
In 50% of cases, a cracking sound was heard. Yep, the horrifying sound of a penis cracking due to too much enthusiasm.
Also, in 80% of cases, the men lost their erection. WAIT. What about the other 20%? “Oh that cracking sound? It was nothing, probably just the wind.” That is hardcore.
Is there life after a broken penis?
Ish. Non-surgical treatment can lead to up to 50% of patients being left with a permanently deformed penis.
Members of the study also suffered from erectile dysfunction and a lifetime of painful sex.
Caution: This brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘safe sex’
So should I just revert back to missionary?
Let’s not be too hasty. The findings may sound compelling but the problem with this study is its sample size.
The hospital was only able to find 44 patients with a penile fracture who were able to be used in the study.
Lifetime of painful sex: Seriously, just imagine it
Of these men, 28 were injured by having heterosexual sex, and four during homosexual intercourse. In case you’re wondering, that’s not wildly out of line with the proportion of men who identify as having had homosexual experiences .
Six men somehow managed to fracture their penis through “penis manipulation” (and we can only hazard a guess at what that involved) – and four injured their penis in a way which was “unclear”. HMMMM.