Ant Smith has a secret. It’s something he’s struggled with for decades, an issue that causes crippling anxiety in many, manic depression in others. Sometimes, it even causes suicide.
Ant Smith has a one-inch penis. Except, it’s not a secret any more.
I have a tiny cock
Like a crooked little finger
Everybody else’s dicks
Are inevitably bigger
So says Smith, 47, in his poem Shorty. But rather than be ashamed of his Johnson any longer (which in his defence is four inches when erect), the London-based engineering manager is determined to face his ‘shortcomings’ head on, in the hope of spawning a movement: penis pride.
But instead of merely aiming to remove the stigma of teeny willies among men such as himself, Smith is seeking a comprehensive amnesty for dicks.
The issue of penis size anxiety, he claims, affects around two-thirds of all men — irrespective of size or shape. This means there are droves of males among us with suitably normal privates, who feel miserable about their members for no good reason.
This, Smith says, is largely fuelled by pornography — and the monster cocks that come as standard — which skews our judgement of what exactly is ‘average’, along with the fact men don’t often hang out in the altogether… together.
“So many guys just do not get the opportunity to see these things in real life, and I think even less so now,” says Smith. “When I was at school we did P.E. and there were shared showers and changing rooms, whereas now in schools they don’t do that.
“And though the gym is popular now, I think there’s a lot less opportunity now where males see each other in a naked context, so more so than ever the signals we get through society are either from porn, or how we talk to each other.”
As we all know, the biggest problem with men talking tadgers is that our own measurements can often err more towards optimism than fact — a heady combination of bravado and embarrassment. While statistics show the average size among men is 5.5-6.3 inches, surveys using data collected from men (and not science) imply the norm is approximately an inch bigger. Clearly one side is fibbing, and odds are it’s not the doctors.
But for all the fretting men do over their knobs, need they even be burdened by it? Ant Smith thinks not. Given it’s a well known fact that a particularly large penis can be less pleasurable for a woman than a diddy one, there’s certainly a case to be argued that the fairer sex aren’t half as fussed as we think.
“There’s research to suggest that men count penis size as the third most important physical characteristic, and women count it as the 9th most important,” says Smith. “That rings true to me — a lot of guys define their machismo quality through that aspect of who they are.
“But it’s fair to say that in some regards, size matters. Some women definitely have preferences, and that’s perfectly reasonable. But there are seven billion of us on Earth, so what matters way more than that is compatibility. I get on wonderfully well with my wife, and the size of my cock is one of the reasons I get on wonderfully well with her.”
Happily married for 17 years, Smith claims it’s his relationship with his wife, along with the cathartic nature his Shorty poem is having, that’s helping him conquer his trouser troubles. It’s a stark contrast to his formative years, where Smith would wear a winter coat while changing his pants at school. He also waited until age 20 to lose his virginity, in fear his rod might get ridiculed (“It was a terrible experience,” he recalls).
“When I first started going out with my wife and it was time to get intimate, I’d ensure she would be in bed before me, come up and put the lights out, so she wasn’t actually being confronted with my nakedness,” remembers Smith. “And then as time went on I’d get in bed with my boxers on, then take them off once I was undercover. These behaviours were obviously driven by that shyness.”
Whereas in the past Ant Smith would have contemplated penis enlargement surgery, he now declares to be more than happy with the tackle he was given. So much so, he believes he’s a better person because of it. “I think I’d be a pretty awful guy if I didn’t have certain things that destabilise my confidence,” says Smith.
The question is, in light of his penis acceptance crusade, the enormous interest his poem has received from all around the world and the affirming effect on his personal life, would he trade his tadger — given the chance?
“I’d rather be remarkable than average,” confesses Smith. “In all honesty, because I like all different kinds of experiences, I’d probably give something ridiculously big a go. But if I then had to hang on to it forever, maybe I’d show some restraint, out of respect for my wife.”
Ant Smith pauses, reflecting on the endless possibilities. “Anything,” he concludes. “Anything other than average.”